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Volume CCXXXVI, Number 112  January 21, 2006 

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GIANT WHALE
HITS CAPITAL

By David Bloviator
Political Editor

A giant whale frolicing in the heart of the city has captured the attention of the normally jaded residents of the great metropolis.

The metropolis in question? Not London, but Washington, D.C., which has been aroused by recent sightings of a giant white whale formerly thought to be endangered if not extinct.

However, the whale, confounding the prediction of cetacean experts, is apparently alive and well and still spewing out his blowhole. The whale, known affectionately to the inhabitants of Washington City as "Karl Rove," surfaced late last week, as frisky as ever.

The great killer whale, having migrated from Texas several years ago, immediately established himself as one of the capital's most notable local sights, attracting attention around the world for his antics that so successfully distracted attention from the floundering Bush Regime.

However, some of the whale's more slippery deeds – such as the intentional outing of a CIA covert agent in violation of the terms of his security clearance – attracted increasing attention from the capital's fisherman, who repeatedly attempted to harpoon the beast.

The whale, however, has shrugged off all efforts to capture or kill it, and has returned to its typical behavior of attacking another endangered species: Democrats.

The enormous mass of blubber told a friendly audience last week that he intended once again to smear Democrats as unpatriotic and pro-terrorist, as he had so successfully done in 2002 and 2004.  With one powerful stroke of his fluke, the mighty denizen of the deep brushed aside questions about the Bush Regime's failure to capture Osama bin Laden or pacify Iraq.  Rove has made it clear that any Democratic effort to point out that the unnecessary Iraqi war has in fact strengthened the hand of Islamic terrorists will immediately be drowned out by a mighty blast of invective and smear.

The dramatic show put on by the killer whale is expected once again to distract Washingtonians from the plunder of their government perpetrated by the Bushies. "The whale will drown any effort to prevent Bush from exploding the deficit by passing even more unneeded tax cuts for the richest Americans," explained a close friend of the whale who requested anonymity because it's easier to spin credulous reporters that way.

While the Democrats profess to be unconcerned over the reappearance of the beast that has devoured so many of their number, privately they are desperately trying to stay of the massive brute's line of fire.

The Democratic minority is already suffering from an acute case of testicular atrophy when confronted by Sam Alito, who has made clear his intention to overrule Roe v. Wade and all efforts to restrict the authority of the Bush Regime.  They now must deal with the threat posed by the Great White Rove.

Responding to the threat of a potential Rove attack, Sen. Joseph Biden (D – MBNA) exclaimed "Feets do your stuff." Sen. Ben Nelson (D – Corn) was even more explicit as he ran through the corridors of the Hart Senate Office Building, shrieking "It's a twister, head to the cellar."

Other political observers noted the the giant killer whale prefers to devour victims who do not resist. "You might as well go down fighting, because the whale's going to try to swallow you no matter what," said a curly-haired waiter at a swank K Street restaurant who identified himself only as "Tom."