The Massachusetts Spy Volume CCXXXVI, Number 125  May 12, 2006 

Mission Incompetence II

BUSH FLU PLAN:
GOOD LUCK, Y'ALL

By V. B. Batz, M.D., Medical Correspondent
and David Bloviator in Washington

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Federal Government's response plan to Hurricane Katrina – dump everything on overwhelmed state and local officials – worked so well that the Bush Administration is trotting it out again for avian flu.

when good chickens go bad
If pandemic avian flu hits, the Bush Administration is prepared to choke some of these

Working under the leadership of political hottie Frances Townsend (think Michael Brown with the ugly washed off), the Bush Regime has issued its plan to prepare the nation for government bungling of a bird flu pandemic.

The report certainly makes bird flu sound as scary as Saddam Hussein: the White House report estimates 80 million Americans could get the flu and two million would die from it. The cost to the nation is estimated at $600 billion. In the face of this overwhelming nationwide crisis, who does the Bush Regime think should do all the heavy lifting? You guessed it: state and local governments.

Let's see now: a national pandemic that transcends all political subdivisions, and we're going to rely on the same entities who were overwhelmed by a hurricane that affected portions of two states?

Heck of a job, Frannie.

The plan divides the federal non-response into six phases, depending on how dire the situation is. Should avian flu reach pandemic proportions, the federal government stands ready to parcel out whatever vaccine is available and call out those portions of the National Guard that are not in Iraq to keep the poor and infected from invading white suburbs.

But don't take our word for it. Here's what the head of the Baltimore Health Department told The New York Times:

Dr. Josh Sharfstein, commissioner of the Baltimore Health Department, said the plan was welcome but offered ''new expectations without new resources.'' . . .The plan asks local governments to deal with a flood of hospital patients, care for more patients at home and spend millions of dollars on antiviral drugs, Dr. Sharfstein said.

Or, as the pro-terrorist moonbat extremists at Bloomberg News summed it up: "State governments can't expect much federal aid if a lethal bird flu such as the H5N1 virus mutates into a form that begins spreading quickly among people, according to the plan released by the White House today."

White House homeland security chief Frances Townsend researches vectors of disease transmission
Hard-working White House homeland security chief Frances Townsend researches vectors of disease transmission.

What would a real national response to a potential national catastrophe look like? First, the federal government would ensure the production of sufficient vaccine and anti-viral medicine to protect and treat every American. Second, the federal government would ensure that state and local authorities and health providers have the resources – that means dough – to treat the 80 million afflicted and bury the 2 million dead. That would require spending money to cure the sick, a notion antithetical to everything the Bush Regime stands for.

But of course a financial commitment of that magnitude might require moving funds from threats as imminent as attack by Iraqi terrorists or a missile from North Korea that flew slowly enough to let jury-rigged U.S. defenses to hit it.

Even on its own terms the plan is incoherent. Who, you may ask, from the Federal Government will be in charge of the many photo opportunities and staged Presidential visits to the affected regions? The answer, again according to the Times:

The plan says that the secretary for health and human services would lead the federal health and medical response but that the secretary for homeland security "is responsible for coordination of federal operations and resources."

Got that? So if beleaguered local officials need, to take a wild example, temporary space to house the ill (as they did in 1919), who are they going to call? Our best guess: Ghostbusters.

In the meantime, we suggest you get your affairs in order.  And, just like the Bush Administration is doing with respect to its responsibility to protect public health, wash your hands.

For additional Spy coverage of the Bush Administration non-response to bird flu hype, click here.

WONDER WHAT?  WHY HE'S KICKING YOUR ASS?

In releasing the outtakes, the American military sought to show that Mr. Zarqawi is a phony who cannot even fire a basic infantry weapon without help and who walks around the desert in comfortable Western jogging shoes [clearing brush? – Copy Ed.].

"What you saw on the Internet was what he wqanted the world to see," General Lynch said.  "Look at me, I'm a capable leader of a capable organization, and we are indeed declaring war against democracy inside of Iraq, and we're going to establish an Islamic caliphate."

"What he didn't show you were the clips that I showed, wearing New Balance sneakers with his uniform, surrounded by supposedly competent subordinates who grab the hot barrel of a just-fired machine gun," he said.

"We have a warrior leader, Zarqawi, who doesn't understand how to operate his weapon system and has to rely on his subordinates to clear a weapon stoppage [unlike Dick Cheney – Copy Ed.][That will do – Ed.], the general said. "It makes you wonder."

–  The New York Times, May 5, 2006 at A12.