The Massachusetts Spy Volume CCXXXVI, Number 126  May 19, 2006 

Dispatches from the War Fronts:

NEW IRAQI ARMY
READY TO FIGHT

Iraq armor fights bravely against its foe
Iraqi armored units, shown here fighting bravely in recent battles.

By Douglass MacArthur
Military Editor with David Bloviator
reporting from Washington

BAGHDAD, Iraq – The long-maligned Iraqi Army confounded its detractors last week in Balad, as its soldiers turned in a splendid account of themselves in a lively skirmish near this contested town forty miles north of Baghdad.

Putting the lie to the lily-livered voices of defeatism who claim that America faces an open-ended commitment of troops, Iraqi troops displayed impressive courage and coolness under fire.

"It was really one of the most impressive examples of small-unit battlefield discipline that I've seen in many years," commented U.S. Training Command General Bradley Arthur Taylor Guano, known to his troops as "B.A.T."

While details of the battle remain sketchy, reliable reports reaching the U.S. command indicate that the battle began when Kurdish brigades of the Iraqi Army brought their comrades wounded in a bomb attack to Balad for emergency medical treatment.

this just in . . .

Bush mobilizes Guard for defense

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Bush has ordered the National Guard to the Mexican border for a critical defense mission.

Under attack from reactionary xenophobes who constitute his last bloc of reliable supporters, Bush has decided to defend himself by deploying some Guardsmen to fool around on the Mexican border.

Although temporary deployment of the already-stressed Guard will do nothing to stem the flow of illegal immigrants from Mexico, video of armed Guard units rolling through the Rio Grande Valley in tanks and Humvees is expected to provide a new level of defense to the hard-pressed president.

Administration sources confirm that staged Bush photo opportunities with Guardsmen as background will also defend Bush from political fallout arising out of his failure to increase Border Patrol strength to levels authorized by Congress.

When the brigades reached a checkpoint manned by stalwart forces of a Shi'ite Iraqi Army brigade, the Shi'ite troops, possibly recalling their U.S. trainers' warning that insurgents may sometimes conceal their identities in Iraqi Army uniforms, refused to let the Kurdish troops reach the hospital.

With manly gusto, the Kurdish troops then commenced a tactical frontal assault on the Shi'ite position. "This was a textbook example of how to overcome a hostile checkpoint," commented an obviously pleased Gen. Guano.

But Gen. Guano was if anything even more pleased by the response of the Shi'ite troops. Unlike past incidents in which Iraqi Army troops melted away under fire, these splendidly trained and stalwart soldiers resisted the Kurdish attack and responded with their own well-directed fusillade. "There isn't a cowardly bone in these troops' bodies," Gen. Guano told the Spy.

Nor was that all. When Shi'ite Iraqi Army forces attempted to attack the hospital where the Kurdish troops were being treated, the Kurdish Iraqi army soldiers repelled the assault with a hail of small-arms fire that stopped the invaders in their tracks.  

The results of the battle demonstrate that the Iraqi Army has made great strides on both offense and defense, Gen. Guano explained.  "A year ago, these guys would have fired their weapons randomly and then melted into the desert.  But these men stood and fought like lions."

Some voices of defeatism have questioned the value of training Iraq Army troops only to see them go out and kill each other, and have even raised the specter of a so-called "civil war." But U.S. Army commanders in the field believe that such encounters provide invaluable training for the sometimes-raw recruits of the Iraqi Army and look forward to many further such battles in the weeks and months to come.

In Washington, White House officials, desperate for a break from the unrelieved spate of bad news from Iraq, were said to be thrilled over the performance under fire of the Iraqi troops who took part in what Administration officials are calling the "Battle of Balad."  

Asked if the encounter in fact represented a further frightening development in the continuing downward spiral of Iraq into civil war and secession, White House officials offered a Spy reporter the chance to hear a clicking noise on his phone every time he picked it up. Those same officials also said the problem of dissension in the Iraqi Army would be solved by warrantless wiretapping and tax cuts for the rich.

For a further account of the bravery of the Iraqi Army in battle, click here.

THANK YOU, JESUS!

Harris puts her faith in religion

As more campaign advisers prepare to jump ship, religion takes a bigger role in her Senate candidacy.

As Katherine Harris' rocky Senate campaign takes an increasingly evangelical Christian bent, her remaining top campaign staffers are preparing to jump ship.

Colleagues say Harris' closest confidante lately appears to be spiritual adviser Dale Burroughs, founder of the Biblical Heritage Institute in Bradenton.

"Dr. Dale," as she is known among campaign staffers, describes herself as a licensed clinical pastoral counselor who counsels in behavior temperament, career, crisis and disaster, among other things.

Burroughs has been advising Harris for years, but lately has had a more prominent role as Harris stopped listening to other campaign advisers. Burroughs said she has little role in the campaign beyond helping reach out to religious voters and is merely a Bible study partner and close friend.

Friends and advisers say Harris has been deeply religious all her life, but religion recently has become a central part of her campaign. Campaign staffers warily describe Harris as leading a "Christian crusade."

"It was always part of the background, but it was never an integral part of the campaign. It never engulfed her," said former campaign manager Jim Dornan, who quit the campaign in November but keeps in touch with staffers. "She's grasping for a pillar she thinks this campaign can be raised [Surely, impaled? – Ed.] on."

. . . . Harris has been aggressively campaigning for support among religious conservatives, hitting large churches and headlining a "Reclaiming America for Christ" conference in Broward County last weekend. She told hundreds of attendees she was "doing God's work" with her campaign.

. . . .

Burroughs, a former staffer with Campus Crusade for Christ, said that in the last month Harris has been deeply moved by the Bill Bright book The Joy of Supernatural Thinking - Believing in God for the Impossible. The book explains that "it's not you trying to do something but God working through you. ... What we all see as impossible, God sees as possible," Burroughs said. [Actually, I'm just jerking her chain – The Eternal One]

–  St. Petersburg Times online, March 25, 2006.