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Volume CCXXXVI, Number 139 September 6, 2006 

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Beverly Hills is beginning to feel the heat from the smart shops of Oak Bluffs on Martha's Vineyard.

Larry David, come home

BEVERLY HILLS
VS. VINEYARD

By Robert F. Scott, Travel Correspondent
with Roscoe Arbuckle in Los Angeles

MENEMSHA, Mass. – The City Manager of Beverly Hills, California, citing increased competition from shopping meccas such as Martha's Vineyard, has proposed paving the sidewalks of Rodeo Drive in granite.

According to the Los Angeles Times, City Manager Roderick Wood believes that the best way for Rodeo Drive to lure celebrity shoppers like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan away from the bright lights of Dukes County is to rip up the recently replaced concrete sidewalks and lay down what would essentially be kitchen counter tops.  

Reaction from the Vineyard was as might be expected muted.  John Alley, former owner of Alley's General Store in West Tisbury shrugged off the planned upgrade of the swanky Beverly Hills address.  "Where on Rodeo Drive can you get this?" he asked, holding up a lobster pot.  "Or this?" he added, pointing to an assortment of nails and other hardware.

Merchants down the road in the picturesque fishing village of Menemsha also seemed unperturbed about the planned improvement. "You're telling me that some f***ing idiot is going to lay down a bunch of gravestones on the street? And that's supposed to get me to walk on them. Get the f*** out of here," quipped curmudgeonly Ev Poole, proprietor of his eponymous fish market on Dutcher Dock. "I mean it, get the f*** out of here before I hack you to bits like a swordfish."

Taking the hint from the lovable fishmonger, your correspondent moved next door to Larsen's Fish Market, where Betsy Larsen proffered a three-pound lobster. "My sister went to Beverly Hills last year and she didn't see any of these available at any price," Ms. Larsen said.

Down the street at Menemsha Bites, the famous fried-fish takeout shack, owner Melody Bites told the Spy, "You can't get fried clams like this in Beverly Hills. I don't care if the streets are paved with diamonds!"

Down island merchants likewise took the news in stride.  At Smith Bodfish, the Vineyard Haven feed store, proprietor Randy Bodfish pointed to his wide array of birdseed and hay.  "If someone wants to go all the way to Beverly Hills for bird seed, God bless 'em."

Across the street, at the Vineyard's legendary Humphrey's, owner Milton Humphrey proffered a tray of his famous sinkers still warm from the deep fryer. "If Larry David wants one of these babies, he'll have to come here to get 'em," Humphrey said.

At the Vineyard Shipyard, co-owner Kathy Logue admired one of the wooden sloops being carefully hand crafted on supports.   "Unless they build a boat launching ramp on Rodeo Drive, I can't say I'm too worried. Besides those people in Beverly Hills are so superficial. I think inner beauty is much more important, don't you?""