The Massachusetts Spy Volume CCXXXVI, Number 145 October 21, 2006 

Hot off the Trail


On the road: the Spy's
2006 Election Preview

 

By David Bloviator
Political Editor
with reports from Ann Colt .45 in Idaho, Nollie Tangere '03 in Ohio,
Alvin T. Fuller in Pennsylvania and Phil Bunns in Florida

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the 2006 midterm elections rapidly approaching a climax, the Spy's crack political staff has fanned out across this great land to take the pulse of the body politic. This week, we report on four key races that represent the vital issues and crosscurrents facing voters this election season and distill the wisdom of our correspondents – and speaking of distill, can we get another Chivas over here? – from the vantage point of our 28 years of reporting from the National Press Club Bar [Surely, our Nation's Capital? – Ed.].

In each of these races, the district has long been represented by a Republican stalwart, but this year there's a determined challenge from a Democratic upstart. While the Democrats appear to have the issues – an endless futile war in Iraq, a skyrocketing budget deficit, an economy that delivers all of its rewards to a small slice of the rich, unaffordable health care and the growing menace of global warming – on their side, the plucky GOP'ers have responded with the discipline and determination that is their hallmark, fueled by several hundred million dollars from their investors.

Conservative Idaho Republican Cass Inski
Controversial Idaho Republican candidate Cass Inski shown here attacking the estate tax as a Jewish conspiracy.

ID - 4th Dist.

The seat was vacated by the death of longtime Rep. Smith N. Wesson, whose support for gun owners rights and seat on the powerful Appropriations Committee produced a stream of earmarks for his district, including a federally-financed six-shooter in the lunchbox of every first-grader in this mountainous corner of Idaho. The Republican primary was won by the most conservative candidate, Cass Inski, with 26% of the vote. Inski, who lives in a two-room cabin with no running water which he built illegally in a national park, ran on an anti-evolution, anti-tax platform which referred to the Federal Government as the "Zionist Occupation Regime." Apparently, this full-throated advocate of states' rights is proving to be too extreme even in this district, according to recent polls that show him with a narrow four-point lead over his Democratic opponent, who is well-known in Idaho for developing power plants that run on potato peelings. Inski is pinning his hopes on a late surge of GOP attack ads accusing his opponent of once visiting France. Spy rating: leans Republican.

 

Controverial elephant linked to Rep. Bundy
Ohio Rep. Bundy has faced awkward questions about what he was doing in a Vegas motel room with "Fluffy" (pictured above).

OH - 32d Dist.

Longtime GOP Rep. "Easy" Ted Bundy was cruising toward re-election until his wife sued for divorce on the grounds that her husband had engaged in depraved conduct. The divorce was dismissed by GOP operatives as yet another Democratic dirty trick, until Mrs. Bundy circulated a videotape of Bundy in a Las Vegas hotel with two 16-year-old hookers and a baby elephant. Bundy claims the video was "a vile smear" concocted by his political enemies, but he's having a hard time making the case stick against his Democratic opponent, Sister Mary Katherine O'Shaughnessy, who entered the race as a "sacrificial lamb." Some of his fundamentalist supporters are reportedly furious over Bundy's alleged misconduct, but others have stuck by him, citing his opposition to gay marriage and abortion. His campaign got a late boost this week when President Bush visited Bundy's district and said: "Washington needs more guys like Ted Bundy." Spy rating: chance for Democratic pickup.

 

Revelation of Rep. DeVil's dalmatian coat operation has hurt her re-election bid
Revelations of Rep. DeVil's dalmatian coat operation have hurt her re-election bid

FL - 41st Dist.

Eight-term Republican incumbent Rep. Cruella DeVil was expected to coast to re-election until a local paper exposed her farm outside of Ocala, where Dalmatian puppies were made into coats. DeVil has shrugged off declining poll numbers, claiming that Jesus Christ appeared to her in a vision outside her local Publix and told her to stay in the race and keep skinning puppies. She's facing Iraq war vet Col. Alvin York, who has advocated withdrawing American troops in Iraq. Col. York served two tours in Iraq, winning the Silver Star, and came back from his last one a double amputee. DeVil, only three points up in the latest poll, has benefited from a multi-million dollar television ad buy on behalf of an independent political action committee called the Baghdad War Vets for Freedom, whose listed address is a Kinko's across the street from DeVil's oceanfront penthouse.  The spots, so to speak, accuse York of cutting off his own legs to shirk combat and playing poker with Osama bin Laden. Spy rating: tossup.

 

Rep. Guano faces questions about his daughter's lobbying activities
Rep. Guano, shown here responding to questions about his daughter's lobbying activities.

PA - 37th Dist.

Long-term incumbent Rep. Bat Guano faces a tough challenge from Democrat Harlan Stone, a University of Pennsylvania law professor and former star quarterback for the Penn State Nittany Lions. Rep. Guano's campaign was recently rocked by an FBI investigation of his efforts to obtain American citizenship for Bosnian war criminal Radovan Karadzic. The FBI wants to know if the Karadzic legislation was a quid pro quo for the genocidal maniac's hiring Betty Lou Guano, the congressman's 20-year-old daughter, as his lobbyist for $1 million a year. Rep. Guano has alleged that the FBI investigation is the result of a conspiracy involving Bill and Hillary Clinton, Prof. Stone, and a Shamokin cab driver Guano has identified only as "Gimpy."  However, Stone's unfavorability ratings in this conservative working-class district have risen following a series of Republican National Committee ads accusing Stone of being in favor of rape and murder because he once defended someone charged with a crime. Spy rating: leans Republican.  

LINDSAY, JUST LISTEN TO YOUR AUNTIE BARBARELLA

NEW YORK (Sept. 12) - Jane Fonda praised a studio executive's recent scolding of Lindsay Lohan for her absences on the set of their film, "Georgia Rule."

"I think every once in a while, a very, very young person who is burning both ends of the candle needs to have somebody say, `You know, you're going to pay the piper, you better slow down.' So I think it was good," the 68-year-old actress told "Access Hollywood" in an interview to air Tuesday.

In July, James G. Robinson, CEO of Morgan Creek Productions, chided Lohan, 20, in a letter for her behavior on a movie set and doubted her absence was related to heat exhaustion. "We are well aware that your ongoing all-night, heavy partying is the real reason for your so-called 'exhaustion,"' he wrote.

Fonda agrees.

"She's in the magazines, so you always know what she's doing because you can just read about it in the tabloids," she says. "She parties all the time ... And you know, she's young and she can get away with it. But, you know, it's hard after a while to party very hard and work very hard. She learned that, I hope."


– Associated Press via AOL.com, Sept. 13, 2006.