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Volume CCXXXVI, Number 147 November 9, 2006 

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Instant midterm analysis:

We ask David: was it a new day for the vital center or a vital day for the new center?

Editors' Note: The Spy's David Bloviator, the dean of American political correspondents, brings the wisdom of his 48 years of political punditry to bear on the midterm elections from his listening stool [Surely, post? – Ed.] at the National Press Club Bar.

TMS:  Mr. Bloviator, thank you for taking the time to analyze the midterm elections. We know you've been up all night and you must be exhausted.

DB: Exhausted! Certainly not. Why, when Jack Kennedy ran against Barry Goldwater, I was up for 96 hours straight until the Illinois graveyard vote was counted.

TMS:  Didn't Kennedy run against Nixon?

DB:  Help me back on to this barstool. It seems to be slippery.

TMS:  My pleasure, sir. Let me wipe off your tie.

DB:  Yes, well, now what's on your mind, you young whippersnapper?

TMS:  Mr. Bloviator, what is the overarching message of this election?

DB:  This election has been a triumph of the vital center. There is a thirst for new leadership in this country. Speaking of thirst, be a good fellow and get me another double Chivas, will you?

TMS: Wasn't this election a repudiation of the Bush-Cheney war in Iraq?

DB:  Certainly not. Cut-and-run candidates were rejected across the nation. Look at Joe Lieberman.

TMS:  Does that mean that the electorate has chosen to stay the course?

DB:  Both parties must set partisanship aside on Iraq for the good of the country.  The President  has already signaled he's willing to meet the Democrats halfway by replacing Rumsfeld.

TMS:  But the President has also said he's going to continue to waste American lives in Iraq in pursuit of an illusory "victory."  And hasn't Dick Cheney already said that regardless of the election results, the war will continue?

DB:  The President will not abandon his principles.  There is bipartisan agreement that wee cannot abandon Iraq to the terrorists or we will have to fight them here.

TMS: There is?  Who says so?  Freddie Hiatt?

DB:  Now you sound like one of those angry bloggers I hear so much about.

TMS:  You don't read blogs yourself, I take it.

DB:  I rely on seasoned professionals like Bob Novak and Bill Bennett.

TMS:  How do you see the Iraq war playing out following Rumsfeld's departure?

DB: The wise men of American politics will ride to the rescue, led by Jim Baker. You can't get any more nonpartisan than Jim Baker.

TMS: The guy who masterminded the theft of the 2000 election? Let's move along. It's been said that this has been the most negative campaign in American history. What's your view?

DB:  The American public has decisively rejected the politics of fear and smear in favor of common-sense centrism.

TMS:  But Harold Ford lost because his opponent ran ads accusing him of lusting after white women. Doesn't that prove negative advertising works?

DB:  Certainly not. It meant that Harold Ford was out of step with the values of Tennessee voters.

TMS: Values like protecting white women from supposedly sex-crazed Negroes?

DB: Dammit man, you're missing the point. The voters are hungry for new ideas. Speaking of hunger, pass those beer nuts down to me, will you?

TMS:  Let's give the readers the benefit of your many decades of political wisdom and look into the crystal ball to prognosticate if you will about the 110th Congress.

DB:  The Democrats are riding high now, but they need to avoid excessive partisanship and witch hunts.

TMS:  Like the impeachment of Bill Clinton?

DB:  If the Democrats in Congress spend the next two years torturing George Bush with subpoenas, the voters will throw them out in 2008.

TMS:  Isn't it the job of Congress to oversee the Executive Branch? And speaking of torture, shouldn't Congress determine if the Bush Administration has in fact engaged in torture?

DB:  George Bush has said repeatedly that his administration does not engage in torture. That's good enough for me. In any event, the new Congress must grapple with the great challenges facing this country, like entitlement reform.

TMS: You mean George Bush's plans to cut Social Security and Medicare?

DB:  That's the kind of inflammatory extremist rhetoric that the electorate has turned against.

TMS:  So you think the voters will accept cuts in guaranteed Social Security benefits?

DB:  This country cannot afford the benefits promised to the baby boomer generation. We will go bankrupt.

TMS:  So you're willing to accept reductions in your Social Security and Medicare benefits?

DB:  Are you out of your f*****' mind, man?

TMS:  You seem to be getting tired. Let me just ask you in conclusion if you had to boil down the entire election to a single theme, what would it be?

DB:  The voters have demanded change. Speaking of which, get me another double Chivas and don't forget to bring back the change.

TMS:  Thank you, Mr. Bloviator.