By Sisyphus-sensei
Baseball Editor

With all of the hoopla surrounding the opening of Red Sox spring training this year, you'd think that the rest of Major League Baseball had already signed surrender documents on the deck of the USS Missouri.  

Not quite, we think.

Why not start with the good news? For the first time since, um, 2004, the Red Sox start the season with more than enough high-quality pitching. You know your staff is pretty deep when your $100 million free-agent pickup gets slotted at No. 2. Schilling goes in at No. 1, pending his Senate race, with Jonathan Papelbon No. 3, disappointing Josh Beckett No. 4 and Tim Wakefield snagging No. 5.  

There's no need to pray for rain with that rotation, although we'd wager the price of a 2007 Fenway Frank ($10) that Papelbon ends up in the bullpen no later than May 1 with Jon Lester replacing him as a regular starter.

We're willing to bet maybe $100 million or so that Daisuke is the real deal, having seen him wipe out tough competition in the exciting World Baseball Classic last year.

But don't take my word for it: ask the guys who know him the best. Here's what the notoriously conservative baseball pros at the Yomiuri Shimbun had to say about Daisuke's Red Sox debut: 　キャッチボールの相手について聞かれると「一番やりやすいのは岡島さんと思うが、ウェークフィールドのナックルボールも捕りたい。たぶん捕れないと思う が」と答えて笑わせた。さらには自主トレ中に自らナックルを試投したが、持ち球にするのは断念したというエピソードを冗談ぽく紹介し、雰囲気を和ませた。  [Free translation: "The field looks nice," Matsuzaka said of the well-manicured grass, a contrast with Japan's all-dirt infields. "That's the way it's supposed to be." Thanks, Yomiuri!]

And Asahi?  Well, Asahi said: 日本で１０８勝（６０敗）の実績はあるが、大リーグでは未知数。初対戦が続く状況は投手にとって有利になるか、との問いには、「お互いにデータがない条件 では、多少有利かも」。しかし、「すべての球種が通じるとは思っていない。オープン戦で、どこに投げれば打たれて、どこなら抑えられるのか、早く把握した い」。[That's enough of this crap – Sports Ed.]

　Too bad there's more to the game than pitching. Last year's anemic Red Sox lineup went home and mailed it in right around the middle of August. Baseball genius Theo Epstein hopes J.D. Drew will cause fans to forget last year's offensive debacle. Maybe so, but Drew's stats were compiled in the far-weaker National League. Let's see how he does when he has to face the Yankees, White Sox and Tigers for twelve straight in August.  

Perhaps the best news is that the hated pinstripers are looking every bit as decrepit as their owner, George Steinbrenner. Our advice: there's no need to buy radial tires for this guy or his franchise.

The Yankees did manage to con New York into building a replica of Yankee Stadium atop the buried bodies and crack bottles of the South Bronx, but who's going to build a starting rotation for them? Guess the Big Goober didn't pan out. New York sports hacks pray for Roger Clemens to bail them out, but it's going to take more than that to resurrect the wreckage, human and otherwise, in the South Bronx.

Our conclusion? We'll pick the Sox to finish first in the AL East, but, beyond that, let's just say that the lesson of history is not to bet on the invincibility of the Japanese.  

Matzusaka's entourage and special equipment was brought to Fort Myers in ships chartered by John Henry.

A new slant on the game [No way are we using that headline – Ed.] PAIL O' MUCK PARK, Florida – After seeing the pitchers and catchers report to Winter Haven [He knows he's in Fort Myers, right? – Copy Ed.], I've got only three words to describe the 2007 Red Sox: Banzai! Banzai! Banzai! It's like Iwo Jima all over again: the Japanese have invaded in force [Didn't we invade Iwo? – Copy Ed.] [Shut up, he's on a roll – Ed.], but this time they've conquered without any shooting, strafing or killing. Their weapon? None other than Daisuke Matsuzaka, and thanks to my new best friend Yoshi of the Asahi Shinbuns [Check spelling – Copy Ed.] for helping me with the spelling. You've got to hand it to Red Sox supremo John Henry and baseball genius Larry Lucchino: not only have they snagged the 2007 Cy Young Award winner, they've made him feel right at home with luscious young translators and a Japanese-speaking reliever to remind him never to surrender to the Yankees. And as the crowning touch, the Sox brass have even encouraged him to take up fishing by providing free bait in the press box buffet! Nice going! P.S. to John: and thanks for keeping the corned beef sandwiches for us meat-eaters! And let me tell you something else – those frosty cold Sapporos (the new Red Sox official beer) go down pretty easily. And at my age, I really appreciate that those big bottles mean fewer tedious trips to the cooler! And with ol' Shill sharing his generations of baseball wisdom with those nice young Japanese sportswriters and their nice big expense accounts, the Shillmeister hasn't had to pick up a check since heading south. To which I can only say: Mochi-mochi! [Isn't that how you answer the phone in Japanese? – Copy Ed.] Next week: Ace baseball columnist Shill Shamelessly shows Yoshi and his colleagues how to relax, Florida-style, at the Horned Toad off US 41.