The USS Nixon and Wallace in the Persian Gulf, the striking arm of the Bush Administration's
mighty show of futility

Show of Farce

BUSH SENDS
NAVY TO GULF

By Douglas MacArthur
War Correspondent

WITH THE U.S. NAVY IN THE PERSIAN GULF – With America facing a fifth Memorial Day of pointless slaughter in Iraq, President George W. Bush has decided to impress the Republican base [Surely, Iranian Government? – Ed.] by sending a powerful flotilla of aircraft carriers and support vessels into the Persian Gulf.

This old warhorse was stirred by the spectacle of the mighty USS Richard M. Nixon and the USS George C. Wallace sailing back and forth in the middle of the Gulf, accompanied by the destroyers USS Agnew, USS Colson, USS Oliver North and the newly-launched USS Miers.

On the bridge of the Nixon, veteran Sixth Fleet Admiral Bull Halsey turned to me and growled:  "This is greatest show of impotence in the history of the United States Navy."

Halsey's staff explained that the fleet had been sent by armchair admirals George Bush and Dick Cheney supposedly to intimidate Iran by crusing around the Gulf just outside Iranian territorial waters.

"They seem to think that our presence will terrify the Iranians into abandoning their nuclear weapons programs.  But all we're doing is burning uranium," explained Vice Admiral Marc Mitscher.

"They know full well the U.S. Navy can't do anything and we know they know it. They also know that they could blow this whole fleet out of the water in an hour with a handful of their land-based non-nuclear guided missiles."  

In U.S. Navy war games, any effort to keep the Straits of Hormuz open by force led to the destruction of all friendly ships

Asked why the Navy is risking its capital ships dangerously close to a hostile shore, Mitscher replied, "Because there's no way on earth that military power can disarm Iran short of nuking it off the face of the earth.  So far, thank God, Defense Secretary Gates has persuaded the White House to hold off on that option," Mitscher said.

"What we're really showing the Iranians is that we are pathetically weak and that they can do whatever they want with impunity," he shouted over the blast of Navy carrier planes off on a photo op [Surely, mission? – Ed.] to fly lazy eights in the sky over the Gulf.

Halsey told us that the stirring show of futility is expected to last at least until the Iraq supplemental appropriation is signed by the President, adding, "Then we can get the hell out of here before something bad happens."

Asked if the Navy patrols were protecting the vital sea lanes of the Persian Gulf through which more than half of the world's crude oil passes on its way to fuel America's Hummers and SUV's, the old admiral replied, "Are you f****' kidding me?"

Halsey explained that the Iranian Government could close the Straits of Hormuz to tanker traffic by fax.  "All they have to do is issue a statement that the Straits are closed and no tanker will pass.  Their insurers will pull their coverage, and there's not a damn thing the Navy can do about it."

He pointed out that naval power alone has never been able to force a well-defended strait against an entrenched land-based enemy.  "You'd need half a million troops to clear the Iranian shore.  It would be the biggest bloodbath since Gallipoli," Halsey said.

The Admiral did take credit for opposing the Administration's plan to display an even more massive show of desperation by sending a third carrier task force, headed by the USS Theodore Bilbo, into the narrow and crowded waters of the Persian Gulf.  "Those numbnuts must think it would be good thing if our finest ships crashed into each other," Halsey barked.