The Massachusetts SpyVolume CCXXXVI, Number 180 September 7, 2007 

From the Archives

Editors' Note: One of our junior editors dropped a box of back issues from 1967 on the floor last week and look what fell out. Forty years later, it's impossible to understand how the American people could be hosed by some brasshat into prolonging a futile slaughter years after it was clear to the meanest intelligence that the war was utterly otiose. Here's a look back at that distant hard-to-understand era.  



Ace Spy Sports Columnist Shill Shamelessly Sez:
Gibson is Lazy, Shiftless, Will Choke in Series 
  
Volume CXCVII      September 11, 1967      Worcester, Mass.      20 Inflated Cents

GEN. WESTMORELAND TELLS
   THE CONGRESS HE IS PLEASED
     WITH PROGRESS IN VIETNAM


GOP Senators Warn Terror Will Triumph
  If Democrats "Surrender" SE Asia to Reds 

Gen. William Westmoreland
Gen William Westmoreland reported to Congress that we were making excellent progress in Vietnam.  


News Analysis:

Moderates Steer
Wise War Course 

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of Gen. Westmoreland's dramatic and persuasive testimony, sensible moderates of both parties have agreed on the future conduct of the Vietnam War.

While left-wing extremists call for abandoning Southeast Asia to Communism and their counterparts on the right seek to extend the war by invading the North, wise centrists have forged a bipartisan consensus likely to achieve success in the long struggle against Red expansionism.

The best and brightest of both parties, including the current and a former Vice President of the United States, have vowed to endorse General Westmoreland and support the troops, without expanding the ground war beyond the borders of South Vietnam.

This old Washington hand can only salute the cool wisdom of these distinguished Americans, who have kept their heads while wild-eyed pot-smoking draft-card-burning long-haired hippies have polluted political debate in this country.

Not content to hurl vile accusations at our Commander-in-Chief by chanting madly "Hey, hey, LBJ – How many kids did you kill today?", they have even begun to question the integrity and impartiality of the press corps.

According to my girl, who has to open my mail and read the disgusting garbage that passes for informed discussion, these wild-eyed radicals have accused distinguished journalists of being "empty gasbags lazily repeating official lies" and "drunken has-beens who haven't had an original thought since the Truman Administration."

Perhaps they think that this sort of crude invective is more persuasive than the sensible and informed judgments of experienced leaders like former Vice President Richard M. Nixon. This correspondent, for one, begs to disagree and would only note that the increasing coarseness of American political discourse is enough to drive a man to drink. [We were waiting for that. – Ed.]


Soldiers making good progress
U.S. troops in Vietnam clearly share their commander's belief that they are making progress, only wonder whether home front will surrender  


WASHINGTON, D.C. – His uniform crisp, his medals gleaming, four-star General William Westmoreland told a restive Congress that "good progress" was being made in the Vietnam War and warned against "premature withdrawal" of U.S. forces.

Gen. Westmoreland flew directly from his command center in Saigon to Washington to report on the progress of the surge in troop strength that brought U.S. combat forces in Vietnam to a new high of 525,000.

The general's appearance had been eagerly anticipated at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue.  The White House has been urging Congress and the public for weeks not to make their minds up on the status of the war before hearing what they referred to as the "Westmoreland Report."

While acknowledging that political reconciliation in South Vietnam had not progressed as rapidly as he had hoped, Gen. Westmoreland sought to turn Congress's attention to what he called successes on the ground.

According to Gen. Westmoreland, the Viet Cong is on its "last legs" and no longer able to mount sustained military operations.  "As a result," the general reported in cool, crisp tones, "Vietnam's major cities, including Saigon, Da Nang and Hue, have been almost completely pacified.  You can walk down any street in Saigon without a helmet or flak jacket."

The general, renowned for his skill as a briefer, reeled off impressive statistics supporting his claim of progress.  "More than 400 strategic hamlets have been secured and over 250,000 trained ARVN soldiers have taken over front-line military activities in coordination with U.S. forces," he said.

"The number of Viet Cong attacks has dropped from over 500 a month in July to only 350 in August.  This truly shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel."

Asked when he thought U.S. forces could start to withdraw, Gen. Westmoreland said that if current progress continues, "we could start to see some troops coming home by Christmas 1968."

When long-time war critic Sen. William Fulbright commented that "America's patience may be running out," the Army's senior commander on the ground in Vietnam responded sharply.

"A premature withdrawal would undo all of the splendid progress we have made in the last year and run the risk of a Communist terror state standing athwart the vital sea lanes of Asia," the general said.

"Those who seek to cut and run must accept the likelihood that a Red victory in Vietnam would lead to all of Southeast Asia, including Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia, falling under the hammer-and-sickle."

His voice cracking, the general concluded: "What would you say, Senator, to the mother of a boy who died in Vietnam, if Singapore fell to Chinese Communists? It would be a second Yalta."

The force and clarity of the battle-hardened commander's testimony appeared to quiet criticism of the conduct of the war. Only a few pointy-headed intellectuals like Sen. Eugene McCarthy dared to question the general's expert judgment.

"It seems as if we have heard similar things now for many years, yet several hundred Americans die each week with no end in sight," the craven Senator mused in his reedy, almost prissy, voice.

But such lily-livered sentiments appear to represent only a small minority of Americans.  At Harvard Business School, a handsome young man named Wilfred M. Romney told the Spy that winning in Vietnam was an important national priority and that he wished he could serve. "Unfortunately, my life goal is to make big bucks and haul it off in Mack trucks. Dodging bullets in Vietnam isn't a part of my business plan."


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–  Promotional ad (for The Glob) in The Glob, May 19, 2007 at A9.