Michael Mukasey

Judge Michael Mukasey came to the Bush Administration with some reputation for honesty and integrity. Like anyone else sucked into that black hole of arrogance and incompetence, it didn't take long for him to sink to their level. Is holding someone down and pouring water up his nose to induce the sensation of drowning torture? Or just a fraternity prank? You don't have to be Judah ha-Nasi to answer that one, but Reb Mukasey ha-Schmuck put on his best faux-Talmudist air and said maybe yes, maybe no. Hey, we're not talking about what happens when a drop of impure water touches a clean vessel on Tisha b'Av, Mikey, we're talking the kind of barbarism normally associated with Nebuchadnezzar rather than America – certainly something in which no shayna Yid would mix. Reb Mukasey is reputed to be personally on the frum side, but we'd bet even his Torah doesn't include the line about being urgent about doing torture, because on torture the world depends.   

Amy Winehouse

You can just imagine the conversation between Mrs. Winehouse and her mah jongg partner:  
"So, how's your daughter, Miriam?"
"Oh, she's fine, she got a first from Selwyn and now she's working for BBC News. And best of all, she met a lovely young man from a nice family at the Cambridge Union for Jewish Students. A doctor. And how's Amy?"
What's poor Mrs. Winehouse supposed to say? You'd have to be illiterate, blind and deaf to miss Mrs. Winehouse's little girl staggering around the stage with the Gross National Product of Bolivia dripping from her nostrils.  She sings of No Rehab but at this rate her next big hit will be No Septum. We've known a few Jewish girls in our day who went a little snow blind, but they stayed away from tattoos, inch thick eye makeup and junkie boyfriends. Well, we're pretty sure about the first two.  Jews everywhere have one prayer for their louche toked-up co-religionist: If you're going to stagger around London in a haze of coke and booze, at least please put a bag over your head in front of the Gentiles.  As your predecessors Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison proved many years ago, that sort of drug-fueled self-destruction properly falls under the heading of goyim naches. 

Sheldon Adelson

Sheldon used to be able to say that the reason that no one liked him in Boston was anti-Semitism.  Now that he's moved his court to Las Vegas, he's run out of excuses.  He proudly runs the only hotel on the Las Vegas Strip that has refused to permit its maids, bellhops and dishwasher to join a union, on the theory that if any of them have a problem with the $28 billion man and can get past his gun-toting goons, ol' Shel will be happy to negotiate with them.  Before throwing them down the elevator shaft.  Apparently believing that his God-given right to suck billions from gamblers around the world might be affected in some modest way were he to have to pay taxes, he's announced that he's willing to spend $100 million to elect Republican candidates to office.  Think of it as an investment – under the Democrats' proposals, he'd be on the hook for a lot more than that.  We don't care how many buildings he names after himself back here, no one who behaves like that is, to use Granny Hall's expression, a real Jew.