New HS goes back to the drawing board so . . .

Everyone's an
architect now!

By Charles Van Doren
Education Editor

The long-delayed project to replace the condemned Old Sludgebury High School hit another pothole this week as taxpayers voted down a debt-exclusion tax override to fund construction, after hundreds of Old Sludgeburians claimed they could redesign the high school to save millions. 

Although the abandoned Old Sludgebury High School was condemned in 1978, voters have refused to fund a replacement

In a hard-fought battle, the 10 percent of voters who trundled to the polls apparently bought the argument that the High School was loaded with what opponents called "expensive frills."

"They're trying to build a Jack Daniels school on an Old Mr. Boston budget, if you catch my drift," said Bags O'Blather, proprietor of the Old Sludgebury Chicken Pit on Route 378 and long-time head of the Old Sludgebury Citizens for No Taxation (CNT).

O'Blather cited the proposed pool, air conditioning system and elevator as examples of unnecessary spending. "We didn't have any damn pool or elevator in the old Old Sludgebury High School when I was there and I turned out good," she said.

"What does this do to our seniors on fixed incomes?" she said. When asked by a reporter to provide examples of persons on elastic incomes, she offered to provide her interlocutor a faceful of boiling lard from the Chicken Pit's overflowing deep fat fryers.

O'Blather said that taxpayers are already struggling to pay higher prices for gas, cigarettes, beer, and Twinkies and don't have anything left for luxuries like new schools. "Do you know how much it costs for me to drive my Hummer to Foxwoods?" she asked. "A pantload."

The need to replace the old high school has been acute since the building was condemned by the state Board of Education in 1978 as an asbestos-riddled firetrap unsafe for human habitation. In the thirty years since the old building was closed, generations of Old Sludgeburians have received their secondary school education in a converted Bradlees discount store in North Sludgebury.

High School teachers have complained that the temporary facility lacks certain educational essentials such as desks, chairs, whiteboards, books, and computers, although it does boast a fully functioning snack bar and popcorn machine used to train Culinary Arts students.

Further, gym classes are limited to racing down the now empty aisles and a street hockey rink out behind the loading dock.

As a result, the state has repeatedly threatened to yank the school's accreditation, an action which has been put off only by the personal intervention of local State Sen. Cash Payment.

Three years ago, the state financed plans for a new facility to be built on the site of the condemned building. At the time the state estimated a construction cost of $100 million. However, since awarding the construction contract to Burke Construction, owned by eight-term Old Sludgebury Mayor James T. Burke, the estimated cost has risen to $200 million, and the voters' ire has risen proportionally.

Local politicos blame the high cost on the planned structure itself, which is designed to provide natural light and fresh air to each classroom while fulfilling state-mandated access and fire safety requirements.

"Look at all those twists and turns," said School Committee member Divya D. Mush.  "No wonder it costs a f*****' arm and a leg."  Mush, who said he had taken several drafting classes before embarking on his career in landscaping, has sketched out a simpler design, based on the classic Quonset Hut, that he said could be built for  a mere fraction of the estimated price.

"It's simple, it's economical, and it's all on one floor," Mush said. Critics wonder how Mush could accommodate all 300,000 square feet of the new school in a single open space, noting that the apex of a Quonset Hut of that size would be 205 feet. They also expressed concerns about the effect on students of spending all day in a huge windowless tube akin to an airplane hanger.

Local activist Divya D. Mush has proposed to house the new high school in a giant-sized Quonset Hut, such as this. 

Alderman Billy "Porky" O'Blather, Bags's brother and chief fry cook at the Chicken Pit, has offered his own design: a cube with 175-foot sides. "What could be cheaper to build?" he asked. However, state officials are skeptical that the cube design, although simple and elegant, would be practical, as the resulting ten-story structure would require 19 high-speed elevators to get students to classes on time.

Perhaps the most daring alternative proposal has been propounded by Bags herself.  "A bunch of my fellow CNT's were sitting around over a few tequilas and chicken baskets and one of them said, why do we need a school at all.  There's this guy on TV called the Video Professor who says he'll educate you for free. Why don't we take him up on his offer?"

"If we had the students take classes on their computers and TV, we wouldn't need to build anything and we'd save a fortune on busing," O'Blather said.

State education officials however say they will refuse to approve a no-school plan, which they said was unlikely to address the problems of juvenile delinquency, truancy and obesity. Said one state official: "Can you imagine the results? We'd breed a generation of overweight morons who sit around all day drinking and scarfing down fried chicken."