Volume CCXXXII, Number
20 April, 2002
Page 2
Local/Old Sludgebury/Sludge River Valley
Voters decry "waste"
OLD SLUDGEBURY: NO TO ANY TAX OVERRIDE
Old Sludgebury High students will have to make do with somewhat old-fashioned equipment in the wake of the voters' massive rejection of a proposed tax override to pay for school repairs.
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For the fifth time in five years, Old Sludgebury's voters have turned down a $10 million Prop 2 1/2 property tax override intended to repair the city's dilapidated schools, all which have been condemned for human habitation by the state Department of Education. The vote was 15,398 to 6,230. The anti-override forces, led by the Old Sludgebury Citizens for No Taxation (CNT), argued once again that the city should cut out "waste" and "fat" from the budget before asking the voters to approve higher taxes. CNT President Bags O'Blather, reached at her day job in front of the deep fat fryer at the Sludge Valley Diner, expressed gratitude for the voters' decision. "This just shows that voters are fed up with politicians whining about higher taxes," O'Blather said, pausing to flick her cigarette butt into the fat fryer. "Instead of raising taxes, they could have fired teachers and administrators, or cut their salaries. Did you know the teachers got a 2% raise this year? Hell, my tips didn't go up at all," O'Blather said. O'Blather dismissed claims that high school classes would average 78 students each: "I dropped out of high school in ninth grade and it didn't hold me back none." O'Blather's fellow CNT's were equally pleased by the outcome. "What do we need all these teachers for anyway?" asked Jimmy Burke, Frito routeman, as he cracked open a Bud light. "We could just have one and put him on TV. You could hire security guards to keep the little bastards quiet." The override would have raised the average homeowner's property taxes by $1.50 for each $1,000 valuation. The average Old Sludgebury homeowner would pay an additional $150 per year. "Hell, that's a lot of money," explained O'Blather. "That's six trips to Foxwoods right there." Burke agreed: " I know how to spend $150 better than any politician. Even on special, that's what? 10 cases of Bud Light? I'll drink to that!" The pro-override forces admitted that the override would be a "hard sell" despite the gaping holes in the roof of the high school. "Most people in the city don't have kids in schools so they can't appreciate how hard it is to learn dripping wet," explained School Principal Francis X. Minor. Minor announced he would start a poncho drive to keep poor students dry during school hours. "And I don't know what we'll do about the collapsing floors," he moaned. "I guess no one likes to pay higher taxes." |
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The good people of Old Sludgebury have spoken for the fifth time in five years. When do you think the hacks at City Hall will get the message? Those limousine liberals who drive home to Cambridge every day like to tell us Old Sludgeburians how to spend our hard-earned money while they live high on the hog eating raw fish for dinner. Maybe 150 large a year is nothing to them, but it's a hell of lot of scratch tickets for us! Speaking of hacks -- do you know over at the high school they've got not only a principal but an assistant principal? What does the assistant principal do all day? Assist? Har-har -- if the principal can't keep track of 5,000 kids let's find someone who can! Or buy them name tags! That would only cost about 20 bucks. And stop whining about a few raindrops. Trust me, these kids aren't made of sugar, they won't melt. And hey, if they need new roofing tiles, there's millions of 'em over at the abandoned asbestos dump. Maybe these spoiled brats could try a little self-help. If only their teachers knew anything about swinging a hammer! I spent a few summers working as a roofer and it didn't kill me. The problem is, these kids today can't spell J-O-B! Maybe Michael Dukakis could hammer some nails -- he's looking for odd jobs! And he's short too. And his middle name is Stanley. Sometimes I slay myself, I really do.
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