Volume CCXXXII, Number
21 May, 2002
Worcester, Massachusetts Since 1770
Editor's Note: With all the nostalgia about the bands of brothers of World War II, this month we thought we would take a break from the dreary headlines of the 21st Century and wallow, via the archives of the Spy, in a time when the issues were simpler and we could distinguish the good guys from the bad guys.
BUY BONDS
U.S. MUST UNDERSTAND CONCERNS
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The U.S. should not ignore the cries for help of misunderstood kamikazes, say Japanese leaders |
| Japanese leaders have warned that attacks by heroic suicide bombers (or "kamikazes") on American forces in the Pacific will continue as long as the U.S. continues its aggression in the region, especially its wanton bombing of Japanese citizens.
"We will not tolerate the U.S. aggressor massacring innocent Japanese women and children in their beds," vowed Imperial aide Yasiro Irafatu. "The Japanese people prefer martyrdom to living under U.S. domination." European leaders are already warning the U.S. that the suicide bombing attacks against U.S. warships operating in vicinity of Okinawa are a direct result of the continued use of force against Japan. "The U.S. needs to accept that the Japanese have legitimate rights, including the right to live in peace behind secure and recognized borders, both in Japan and in Manchukuo." stated Prime Minister Elect Clement Attlee. European statesmen speaking privately questioned President Harry S Truman's commitment to a negotiated peace. "He's too rigid and too security-conscious," one said. "Irafatu must be treated with respect and his concerns addressed," echoed another. Privately, they deplored the massive U.S. bombing campaign against the Japanese, calling it "nothing short of a massacre." Irafatu's comments, broadcast on the Voice of Japan, included a number of flattering references to the kamikazes as "heroes" and "martyrs." Irafatu said he wished he could pilot a kamikaze plane himself, but unfortunately his fallen arches made it impossible for him to operate the aircraft. In the United States, sympathy for the plight of the Japanese, trapped under the bombs of the U.S. Air Corps, appears to be building. "Unless Truman brings himself to make peace with the Japanese, the cycle of violence will only continue," commented Former Vice President and nutball Henry Wallace. "I can certainly understand how angry a young Japanese man might be to watch his cities and his families bombed night after night. We must respect this anger and respond it to not with more force, but with restraint," Wallace added at a bond rally in Detroit before being tarred and feathered. Asked to comment on Irafatu's criticism, Truman only replied cryptically, "Soon he'll have nothing to worry about." DACHAU, Germany (New York Times service) -- It looks like the Germans really did kill six million Jews since 1941, the Times admitted today on page 76. | |
This brave Japanese flier could no longer tolerate continued U.S. bombing of Japanese civilians | ||||
AN IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE WAR DEPARTMENT, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH A CHEAP ETHNIC SLUR  | ||||
OR ELSE!
The Massachusetts Spy is made possible by a generous grant from The John Templeton Foundation
The John Templeton Foundation is pleased to announce the winner of the 2001 Templeton Award for Pious Hypocrisy:
His outstanding effort to avoid responsibility for consigning children to priestly rape and his grudging and transparently insincere non-apology for his role in covering up felony child abuse, drenched as it is in unbearable sententiousness and an aura of self-righteous invulnerability, makes him a most worthy recipient of this award. Congratulations, Eddie Past winners of this distinguished award have included:
If you know of someone who has followed in the footsteps of Sir John Templeton, a man who ceaselessly proclaims his virtue from his offshore tax haven after abandoning the nation of his birth to avoid paying taxes on his booty, please contact the judges at Malar Cay, Eleuthera, The Bahamas.
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