Volume CCXXXII, Number
25 September, 2002
Page 3
Exclusive to The Spy:
WORLD RENOWNED COLUMNIST DAVID BLOVIATOR ON
WAR WITH IRAQ
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TMS: How do you assess the current Iraq crisis? DB: Make no mistake, the stormclouds of war hang heavy over Washington City, poised at a crossroads of history and ready to erupt into the Sturm und Drang of armed conflict. Senior and very well placed Administration officials have told me confidentially that war is probably likely "right after Election Day." TMS: But that's what they're telling everyone. Do you think that President Bush is determined to invade Iraq? | |
Columnist David Bloviator, at ease | |
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DB: The President understands that America must stand united against this new but age-old enemy. Sources close to the President say he is engaged in Iraq as he never has been before. TMS: But weren't they saying that last year about the war against terror? DB: Obviously, you don't understand that this is a time for unity. Could you pass the butter, by the way? We must stand together, lest we stand separately. This is not a time for partisan politics, but for strong, bold bipartisan leadership. We must rally around our President as never before. TMS: Why? DB: My God, what does a man have to do to get a Scotch-and-soda around here? If Iraq is not contained, who can say what Saddam will do with the weapons of mass destruction that he has hidden from view? TMS: But if Saddam really had those weapons and was going to use them, why hasn't he already? DB: The man is a madman. He is so unpredictable there is no telling what he will do. The consequences could be calamitous, and we cannot afford to wait until he is ready to use his fearful arsenal. TMS: If Saddam is such a menace, why can't we persuade our allies in the region to help us? DB: By God, man, you obviously fail to grasp the complexities of Middle East geopolitics. You also obviously fail to grasp how to pour a drink. Don't put so much damn ice in. I want to taste the Chivas. Once America wipes out Saddam and his ilk, the Arab world will rally around us. TMS: Many Senators appear to have concerns about any invasion of Iraq. DB: We cannot allow the petty poisons of partisan politics – wait a minute, let me write that down – to distract this great nation from its appointment with history. The dogs of war must be loosed and the terrorists must be hounded and then torn to pieces by those selfsame dogs. TMS: So you think we should invade Iraq? DB: The time for talking is past; the time for drinking [Are you sure he didn't say acting? -- Ed.] is now. TMS: But won't our allies desert us if we invade? DB: Our friends and foes alike must understand that they are with us or against us. Fortunately, the President has a brilliant team of experienced diplomats who can tell those ungrateful foreigners where to get off. They must understand that Saddam is the greatest threat the world faces today. TMS: But last year weren't they saying that nuclear missiles were the biggest threat? DB: Surely you must understand in today's multipolar interdependent world that the strategic threats to this great land of ours come in all shapes and sizes. We can't afford to neglect any one of them. If I may quote one of my columns written just years before the attack: "Saddam has shown by his own words and deeds that he is not to be trusted." That's not just a column, that's an abiding truth, son. TMS: Thank you Mr. Bloviator for your words of wisdom. By the way, did we mention it was separate checks? | ||||
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THE HITLER YOU KNEW, THE HITLER YOU LOVED, THE HITLER WITH A SONG IN HIS HEART 2 Toronto fest films explore Hitler's human side -- Headline on CNN.com, Sept. 11, 2002.
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