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George
W. Bush had words of wisdom
for America's youth.
 Hacky
Sez:
Bush
thrives, while Democrats burn
By Hacky Carp
Ace
Columnist Is
there anything
sadder than watching a bunch of liberal Democrats crash and burn?
Almost a year after that weirdo Al Gore and his spooky
sidekick Loserman finally
bowed to reality and let George W. Bush claim the prize he deserved,
they still are trying to bring down the President by any means possible. What other
explanation can there be for
pouncing on some innocent remarks that the President will make tomorrow
to a bunch of high school students in Florida? For all the
screeching from the angry left, you'd think the President had
single-handedly blown up the World Trade Center or something. Let's face
facts: George W. Bush has already
made America safer and stronger. Thanks to his bold decision
to scrap the Anti Ballistic Missile Treaty and deploy a robust
anti-missile defense to protect this country, we can sleep tonight free
from the fear of radical terrorists unleashing attacks on our
homeland. And
by cutting taxes,
he's freed America from its worst nightmare: liberal Democrats picking
our
pockets to pay for their gay marriage on the moon programs. If this is
what George W. Bush can get done by
not working hard, I say, let's keep the hits coming, until all those
nattering liberals finally go up in smoke.
Inside
today's Spy: Exciting new mortgage
options for
homeowners: In our Real Estate Section, read about how
the dream house you couldn't afford is now within your grasp with new
option-ARM interest-only perpetual payment mortgages. Help wanted:
Construction workers, carpenters and roofers all needed to staff jobs
starting now in the Sludge River Valley.
Business and Technology: How
newspapers will be the big winners from the "internet:" An exclusive
interview with Arthur Sulzberger. The Patriots' Main Man:
Shill Shamelesly gets up close and personal with Drew Bledsoe, the man
Shill calls the "one indispensable Patriot."
Coming this Sunday:
Just when Massachusetts needs a hero, here comes handsome, dashing Mitt
Romney to the rescue. Hacky Carp profiles. | | By David Bloviator
Political Editor
with
Charles Van Doren
Education Editor
SARASOTA, Fla. – President
George W. Bush announced he would interrupt his most recent vacation in
this luxurious Gulf Coast resort to address students at Sarasota High
School as they begin a new school year. But
Democrats, using any pretext to attack the President just because he
was installed in power by a 5-4 Supreme Court majority, have criticized
the President's remarks as inconsistent with fundamental values. The remarks were distributed by a relaxed and
confident Ari Fleischer, clad in tennis whites as he prepared to face
senior White House aide Josh Bolten in a "singles match to
the death" on the grounds of the Colony resort where the
Presidential party was quartered, for security reasons of course. In the remarks, the President urges America's
school children to "chill out and have a good time in school."
He called the value of hard work and good study habits
"vastly overrated." Instead, he
urged students to capitalize on family connections, a famous name, and
a goofy frat-boy charm to get ahead. "That's what I did, and
now I am your President," he will say. In
his speech he will boast that he "never cracked a book" in high school,
preferring instead to "pay some Jew or Korean kid to write my papers
for me while I knocked back a few tall cold ones." The remarks also warn students not to worry too
much about drinking and drug abuse, calling them "the best part of
going to school, next to the poontang." At this point, the
written version of Bush's remarks says: "Throw in a spontaneous
heh-heh." He will say
that well-placed relatives would able to cover up any harm that such
habits might cause. "Hell, Laura killed a kid while she was
driving drunk and no one gave a s*** about that," the remarks
continue. "And to my commander in
the Alabama National Guard who's waiting for me to put down
the coke spoon and report for duty, let me say: you can stop waiting,"
the remarks say. Bush's
remarks will emphasize the importance of establishing priorities.
"Just to take one example, last month some bunch of nerdy
spooks put a piece of paper in my hand with some wild story about
terrorist attacks in the United States. If I'd spent any time
on that, I wouldn't have been able to get in 18 holes. And I
shot a 76. Now what could be more important than that?" The President will also advise students to rely
on a series of time-worn excuses any time they fall short including:
"Everybody does it," "You're lying [or gay, or funny looking, or
dorky]," and "My daddy can buy and sell your daddy before lunch." He will tell students to develop a strong sense
of reliance on others, whether it be parents, fraternity buddies,
ideologically sympathetic Supreme Court justices, or fat,
repellent political handlers whose only path to fame and power lies in
propping you up. Democratic
political opponents seized on the President's prepared remarks as
evidence that Bush was out of step with core American values.
But Bush's loyal flacks brushed aside the accusation.
"Hell, this country was built by the rich, lazy
offspring of entitled families," Fleischer said. Some rabid opponents, driven crazy by their
irrational hatred of Bush, threatened to pull their children out of
class rather than listen to Bush's invitation to slack off. The President's critics appeared to be largely
swarthy immigrants with hard-to-pronounce names. At the Logan
Airport Hilton Hotel, a man who gave his name only as "Muhammed" told
the Spy
that he fundamentally disagreed with the President. "By working hard and cooperating, even persons
from humble origins can achieve mighty deeds," Muhammed said. He added pointlessly: "You'll see." | |
