 |
White House
gatecrasher George
W. Bush attempted to blend in by pretending he had been invited to a
White House T-ball game.
Stylized Life with
Bella
Whiner
Can you believe
what people will do to become famous?
By Bella Whiner
Stylized
Life
Columnist It's getting so some people will do almost
anything to get into the White House and grab some fleeting notoriety.
Exhibit A: Monica Lewinsky. Exhibit B: That nutty
gatecrasher from Midland, Texas George W. Bush. One's a
bimbo, the other's a dimwit, but they've got one thing in common (other
than a checkered past, indulgent, well-connected parents, and
room for rent between the ears): they're willing to make a pathetic
spectacle of themselves to get into the Oval Office. At least
Monica put some honest effort into it – she got to the White
House by using her own mouth rather than depending on James Baker's. It just got
me to thinking you can't turn on that MTV that all the kids (including
mine!) are watching without running into a bunch of young drunken
slackers climbing into bed with each other. Now you may call
that entertainment, but I can tell you one thing: it won't ever
replace Seinfeld. Speaking of
my kids, they were in the basement the other day with our videotape
camera
shooting videos of each other pretending to be like those dummies on
MTV.
Matthew (my brilliant older son who as soon as his school
learns how to deal with his very special learning needs is sure to be
ticketed to the Ivy League) was saying that he read somewhere in a few
years people will able to post their photos and videos on this Internet
thing for all to see. Can you imagine what kind of a world that
would be when our kids sit in front of their computers all day looking
at videos they made for each other? Trust me: they'll get
bored with it after a week. After all, there's nothing more tedious than
watching callow ignorant amateurs prattle on as if they know
what they're talking about. I mean really, I'm already bored
by George Bush – aren't you?
Inside
today's Spy: Politics: What's next for Paul
Cellucci? Our own Hacky Carp says the odds are 10 to 1
against that he leaves the State House. Hacky sez: it's a
sucker bet.
| | By
David Bloviator
Political
Editor
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what
appears to be one of
the most alarming security breaches in White House history, the Secret
Service admitted yesterday that it had allowed a Texas couple to roam
around the Executive Mansion, including the West Wing and the
Oval Office itself, without authorization. The
obscure Midland, Texas couple, a pair of wannabe socialites named
"George" and "Laura" Bush, were admitted into the most closely guarded
residence in America armed with nothing more than a single email from
an obscure Washington lawyer named John Roberts bearing the cryptic
message: "It's in the bag." According
to what the
Spy has
been able to piece together from fragmentary and often
conflicting accounts, Mr. Bush told the guards at the Pennsylvania
Avenue entrance that he was the "President-Elect," on the basis of the
Roberts e-mail. Although the
Secret Service could
have easily verified that the Texas poseur had in fact lost the
Presidential election by over half a million votes, apparently no one
bothered to make the phone call required to check readily accessible
public records. The Secret
Service emphasized that at no time
was there any danger to the President, who was reportedly getting a
therapeutic massage at a North Capitol St. health spa. The
First Lady was also elsewhere, having previously planned a vacation
getaway to famous New York
tourist
hot spots Syracuse and Yonkers. While
the Bush family is well-known in Washington – his father
was President of the United States from 1989 to 1992 –
relatively little is known about young George. Although
the junior George Bush claims to have
degrees from two Ivy
League schools, his own career is replete with failure. Bush had been
accused of insider trading at Harken Petroleum, whose
illiquid stock he miraculously sold just before the company, which he
served as a director, went busto. Washington
sources whisper that both George and
Laura have had their battles with the bottle, while some speculate that
George's somewhat flighty, manic manner may be a result
of his
reputed penchant for Bolivian marching powder. Journalists digging into George's purported
résumé have been unable to verify key aspects, including his claim that
he once served in the Alabama National Guard prior to going to medical
school. However, there no record that he ever reported for duty at
any Alabama National Guard installation. The
motives behind the Bush gate-crashing incident are obscure.
Some claim that the whole thing was a a publicity stunt to
advance his reality TV pilot: "Decider-Man: President George W.
Bush." Others
speculated he had been put up to the whole things by his mysterious
manager, Karl Rove. "George is a nice guy, but it's pretty easy
to
lead him around by a nose," said his brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush. After the incident, the
nation wondered what would happen had George Bush actually been
allowed anywhere near the levers of Presidential power.
"He's just stupid enough to start a war someplace for the
hell of
it," said his mother Barbara.
Business: Caution:
Turnaround
ahead!
Our Business Editor Sam Insull looks at the savvy execs who are
master- minding the turnarounds of two legendary Massachusetts
companies:
Digital Equipment and Polaroid.
Personal
Finance: Cashing
in on the Internet boom. It's here to stay!
| |
