West of
Here:SPITZER
NIXES
PAY TO PLAY
By Alvin T. Fuller
on
special assignment in New York NEW
YORK – Disgraced former New York Governor Eliot "the
Ladies'
Man" Spitzer, apparently hoping that his past hooker rentals have
already been forgotten by an electorate distracted by yet another
misbehaving Governor (see box), has begun his political comeback by
targeting one of his favorite past whipping girls [Surely, boys? –
Ed.]: insurance brokers.
 Former
Love Guv Eliot Spitzer was scandalized to learn that some
insurance brokers
like Shtupela DeAgente are demanding to be paid for the favor of their
business
Some
may remember that the energetic former Attorney General simultaneously
pursued high-priced whores in Washington hotel rooms and insurance
brokers who were paid placement fees by underwriters in press releases,
in each case with dramatic success. Now in an effort to
rehabilitate his public image, he has resumed at least his latter
pursuit.
Spitzer,
these days a
private citizen forced to subsist on his father's real estate empire,
launched his latest campaign during an appearance on MSNBC's midday
pundit fest, "Is Anybody Watching this Crap?" [Check title –
Ed.]. He told anchor Ashleigh Dupré [Surely, Banfield?
– Ed.]
that he was "shocked, shocked" to discover that insurance brokers were
threatening to resume a practice that Spitzer had attacked, known as
"pay to play," a concept which is apparently anathema to the
reconstructed family man.
"I
can't imagine anything more immoral than paying to get a piece of
business," Spitzer told a cable television audience estimated in the
high two figures. "Certain things in a civilized society
shouldn't be bought and sold for wads of cash in the open market like
pieces of
meat."
this
just in . . . Et tu, Rev.
Al?
Whilst the former Governor of New York was desperately trying
to dig himself out of disgrace, his successor was just as energetically
shoveling himself in. The wonderfully metaphorical
Governor of the State of the New
York, David Paterson,
has run off the political cliff, having looked down to find that while
the public can accept
a legally-blind Governor, it can't swallow one who's blind to the law,
especially the bits
about witness tampering in domestic violence cases brought against the
Gov.'s party planner.
[Surely, chief of staff? – Ed.]
And who or what finally compelled Gov. Paterson to accept that
his political future, like
Monty Python's parrot, wasn't just sleeping? Wait
for it: that
unceasing crusader for truth,
justice, and morality, the Rev. Al Sharpton.
Insert your own spit take here.
Those who knew of the Rev. in his pre-bariatric
surgery days might be a little
surprised to learn that he has reinvented himself as the final arbiter
of right and wrong, especially
those who remember the words "Tawana Brawley."
The 1987 Brawley affair was, like most things in New York,
almost
too sordid to be described, but suffice it to say that Rev. Al
uncritically swallowed a woman's far fetched tale of sexual assault at
the hands of a Dutchess County prosecutor. Despite the
conclusive evidence that the tale was an even bigger lie than Eliot
Spitzer's wedding vows, the Rev. Al kept stirring the pot in an
unceasing
effort to crucify the innocent. Asked more recently
about his role in the episode, the Man of God said only that he
believed what Brawley had told him about the crime. If that
lame excuse sounds familiar, well, that's what the crackers used to say
at a lynching. The
irony-deficient former law enforcement officer and john didn't stop
there: "What's most appalling and disgusting about this
affair is
that certain rich and powerful men think that the law doesn't apply to
them. The public shouldn't tolerate this kind of arrogance
and
hypocrisy."
Spitzer said that he couldn't think of anything
more revolting than the sordid spectacle of grown men being forced to
pay insurance brokers to get the the brokers to steer customers to
them, not even the spectacle of Princeton men getting their ashes hauled by
thousand dollar hookers without having the decency to take off their
socks first.
The former Attorney General said that paying
for business was not only illegal and degrading in itself, it also
severed the bonds of trust and affection that have linked insurance
brokers to their clients since time immemorial. He said that
insurance brokers who demanded payments from underwriters to deliver
the brokers' clients were "no better than pimps." [Now we see why he's so upset
– Ed.] The
supposed victims of this immoral and nefarious offense –
the clients of insurance brokers – have expressed their
gratitude for Spitzer's crusade against broker payoffs.
One client
told the Spy
that "it was good to know that someone is standing up for old-fashioned
values and returning morality to commercial intercourse." [Don't even think about it. –
Ed.]
In
contrast, no insurance broker was willing to provide the Spy
with an on-the-record interview. One executive did say on
background:
"What the hell does Eliot expect us to do? We've got what all
the insurance companies crave. Does he think we're just going
to give it away?"
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