 | 
Will
our fair city be overrun by inebriated immigrant hooligans sent here on
the orders of the Pope of Rome?
Musings Under the Elm Tree, with
Our Local Friend,
Hacky Carp Did
you hear the that Papists want to build one of their "churches" right
across from the railroad station? How convenient in case of
insurrection. ******* A
friend of ours tells us that gangs of Irish hod carriers have been
overheard conspiring to ambush and impregnate our healthy young
asbestos
mill girls.
*******
I
suppose that those who talk about the "rights" of allies of the Pope of
Rome to build their idolatrous palaces anywhere they see fit would be
equally happy to live next door to the mosks of the heathen Mohammedan.
Or the synagogues of Ikey Kikey!
*******
A reliable source tells me that crazed
monks
have a plan to arm fugitive slaves to invade the South and transform it
into a Papal State. We can't wait for the "smoking gun" to
become the incense salvers of marauding Jesuits!
*******
So
the Irish can't feed themselves in Ireland. Why should the
taxpayers of the Commonwealth
have to feed them here?
*******
If
each Irish Catholic couple spawns 12 children, and each of them spawns
12 more, how long will it be until our city bursts?
*******
And
if we give those foreign brutes the right to cast a ballot like free
white Americans, how long will it be until we have a Catholic Mayor?
Or Governor? Or President?
*******
Here's
an idea: we can finally put Seward's Folly to some good use.
Why not ship all the Irish immigrants to Alaska and let them
live there? No civilized person would ever consent to live in
that frozen wasteland. Maybe their priests can convert the
heathen Eskimo!
*******
And who knows what those nuns are doing
–
[That's enough musings
of Our Local Friend –
Ed.]
Advertisements
Needed:
200 children to pick tailings out of asbestos ore. Irish
tots welcomed. Pay Two Dollars per 72-hour week.
Apply to Boylston & Thayer Asbestos Mills.
No
Negroes.
Ladies: Do
you suffer from nervous hysteria or other female problems? Relieve
that stress with Weld's Tonic, made from exotic Asian botanicals,
including the poppy. Two tablespoons and your troubles will
disappear. Weld's Elixirs, Boston, Mass.
Prepare yourself for the coming
onslaught. We have the widest assortment of fine
Colt and Smith & Wesson firearms in the City. Ladies
ask about our stylish Derringers. Raymond's, Main Street, Old
Sludgebury and Washington St., Boston. "Where U Bot the
Piece."
Rewards for
Return of Fugitive Slaves in Salable Condition. $500 for
Negro male "Uncle Rush." $1,000 for Negro wench
"Laura." Lesser amounts for information.
Remember: harboring fugitive slaves is a crime. Contact Law Offices of
John Roberts, Esq., Owners'
Agents.
| | Foreign Immigrants Threaten to
Overrun Our City! ********** Hordes of Papists Pouring In To Gain
Advantages of Citizenship!
EXPERTS SAY IRISH "BREED LIKE
RABBITS AND RUT LIKE SWINE"
Cost of
Educating Ignorant Foreigners May Bankrupt Us!!!
FROM OUR LOCAL COR- RESPONDENTS:
Hundreds of free white Christian men gathered last night in
the Masonic Hall on South Main Street to protest what they described as
an "invasion" of illegal Irish immigrants. They characterized
themselves as sons of the Boston Tea Party and threatened to "toss
these unwelcome foreigners" into the Sludge River. Speaker after speaker demanded that the United
States Marshals deputize citizens to round up these foreign idlers at
gunpoint and
imprison them pending their forcible repatriation to Ireland.
The self-proclaimed head of the Old Sludgebury Sons of the
Tea Party, Mr. Matthews Wigglesworth, said that these foreigners
were "procreating like barnyard animals" in a desperate attempt to
avoid deportation. Mr. Wigglesworth
received a rousing response when he told the audience that illegal
Irish immigrants were "dropping babies like potatoes" who would be
eligible for citizenship in the absence of contrary legislation.
He called for a Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution, limiting citizenship to the legitimate offspring
of American citizens. "Thirty
years from know, these potato babies will be in a position to subvert
all organs of government. Can you imagine what this fair
Commonwealth would be like if the Great and General Court were
dominated by the seed of ignorant Irish immigrants?" He was followed to the lectern by Mrs. Hollis
Stoughton, who painted a dire portrait of what would happen if the
immigrant flood is not staunched. "If we let in foreign
Papists from Ireland, I warn you that they will be followed by hordes
of Chinamen, Italians, Polacks, and – dare I say it?
– the Jew." At this
point several of the fairer sex in the crowd fainted, allowing the
full horror of Mrs. Stoughton's remarks to sink in.
Fortunately, they were revived with healthy doses of Weld's
Tonic [See adv't below]. "Imagine
if you will a Roman Bishop reigning over his abject subjects right here
on Main Street. If these savage Papists had any decent
respect for the legitimate feelings of native-born Old Sludgeburians,
they would move their proposed church to an unpopulated area."
She cited Boston's proposal to build a reservoir on a lonely
hummock called Chestnut Hill. "There must be some room on
those desolate heights for their fiendish so-called church." The next speaker, a tall rawboned man in
overalls, electrified the crowd by introducing himself thusly:
"My name is Ebenezer Brown, but you can call me Scott. I'm a
poor hardworking farmer from Wrentham Crossing and I rode to this
meeting on a donkey." "I want to
know who's going to pay to protect us from these criminal aliens and
who's going to pay to educate their wretched offspring. If
the government in Washington wants to let these people in, let them
pay for it!" Farmer Brown told
the crowd that his property taxes were already so high that he was down
to his last serviceable suit of clothes. "At this
rate, I'll be walking around in my birthday suit!" he said,
to raucous laughter and applause. After
he returned to his seat, Mr. Wigglesworth closed the meeting by
demanding that the Governor call out the Militia to run the unwanted
illegal immigrants out of Old Sludgebury for good. In valediction, he warned: "If the borders of
these United States are not secured against the overseas hordes, I
promise you there will come a day when they will outnumber us.
Our doctors and lawyers will be Jews and Chinamen.
Our mayors and legislators will be Irish Catholics.
The very lifeblood of our democracy, our newspapers, will be reduced to
the mouthpieces of the descendants of Australian convicts."
[Never!
– Ed.]
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