The Massachusetts SpyVolume CCXLI, Number 315 March 4, 2011
East of Here

All oiled up and
no place to go . . .

BERLUSCONI CAUGHT IN BED WITH DIRTY ARAB 

By Geoffrey Dawson
Diplomatic Editor

LAGO DI PUTAS, Italy – Embattled Italian Prime Minister for Life Silvio Berlusconi faced another scandal last week with the release of documents and photographs showing him in bed yet again with an Arab of dubious moral character.

Coming hard on the f– [No we are not going there – Ed.] heels of charges that the randy cavaliere had paid for sex with an underage Egyptian blifke whose whore name translates as Ruby Heartstealer, the new accusations of misconduct with Arabs have shocked and appalled even the most jaded of his constituents.

Another merit appointment
Berlusconi government spokesman and party planner Bree Nussbaum denied reports of any improper relationship between the well-buffed prime minister and a sleazy Arab

The most recent revelations seem to suggest that Berlusconi has been in bed for years with demented Libyan dictator Muhammad Qaddafi. Even more revolting, it appears that in this assignation, in contrast to the usual run of Berlusconi sex scandals in which the diminutive Italian was paying for sex, this time it was the Prime Minister himself who appears to have put out for money.

Reports in the few Italian media outlets not under the thumb of Berlusconi, his relatives, or his mistresses suggest that Berlusconi was paid billions to enter into a "marriage of convenience" with the ill-shaven Libyan whack job. The payments took the form of Libyan investments in Italian companies or in shipments of oil to shell companies controlled by Berlusconi or his henchmodels.

The Italian Minister for Procurement, and former nude weathergirl on Berlusconi's TV channels, Bree Nussbaum denied that there had been any impropriety, stating that the relationship had been "strictly business."

"The Prime Minister merely discussed global economic developments with the Libyan strongman in the quiet and comfort of the Prime Minister's Sardinian retreat, Casa Bunga-Bunga.  At no time was the Prime Minister naked and face down in a pool of olive oil,"  Nussbaum said in a video statement.

But State Department sources in Washington said that Qaddafi had taped his most recent encounter with the permanently bronzed head of government and that the details of the tape are graphic and disturbing.  The Spy's sources said that the taped scene was reminiscent of Deliverance, except that Berlusconi was singing an aria from The Barber of Seville.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, when asked for her reaction to the news of a potentially improper relationship between a key US ally and a sleazy Arab, admitted that the story was the most disgusting thing she had heard "since 1998."




[Why? – Ed.] 


THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT! 

The performer-writer Ann Liv Young belongs to the movement in the arts that was labeled Sensation in the 1990's. She performed "Snow White" naked, apart from a Disney mask on her face, while heavily pregnant. Dildos and masturbation have been part of her theatrical fare. At MoMA, P.S. 1 in February she insulted a fellow artist's work (accompanied by urination and masturbation) until management turned the lights off on her. And on Friday and Saturday she perfromed a one-woman "Cinderella" . . . . In this, . . . she converses with members of the audience (sometimes in a quarrelsome way) and also urinates and defecates onstage.  [Theatergoing tip: Never pick a fight with an actor who is evacuating within firing range – Spy Drama Desk] 

. . . .

This reached a nadir when Ms. Young, some 85 minutes into the show, failed on defecate on cue, despite having given an advance interview advertising her ability to do so. She invited audience members to help her find ways of achieving her goal, and most obliged . . . .

I was there as a dance critic.


 –The New York Times, September 6, 2010 at C1.