The Massachusetts SpyVolume CCXLI, Number 319 April 12, 2011

Truck off!

Who can beat
Scott Brown?

Editors' Note: The City on the Hill, the New Jerusalem, the Hub of the Universe, and our junior senator is some dimwit pinup who drives a truck?  Is this the best we can do?  As most of the usual suspects seem surprisingly daunted by the prospect of a race against some yutz who voted against unemployment compensation and health case reform, and was against Planned Parenthood before he was for it, the Spy puts forward six names, any of whom could run Scott Brown and his pickup off the road.

KATIE COURIC
Still perky after all those years

PROS

  • High favorability ratings 
  • Deftly makes fools
    of Republicans
  • Actually knows stuff

CONS

  • Naked pictures of inside of colon could put off voters
  • After Tom Werner, no obvious Mass. connections 
  • May not accept $15.8 million annual pay cut 

TIM WAKEFIELD

 Old Tim

PROS

  • Has nothing else to do
  • World Series hero 
  • Tireless 

CONS

  • Sox may need him unless Lackey shapes up 
  • Doesn't seem to enjoy public speaking 
  • What if he listens to Curt Schilling? 

LARRY SUMMERS
Man of the People

PROS

  • Lots of Washington experience
  • Pretty smart guy 
  • Unafraid to speak his mind  

CONS

  • No one over the age of 19 can stand him 
  • Babies cry at sight of him 
  • If he does to US what he did to Harvard, we're really screwed 

WHITEY BULGER
Where's Whitey?

PROS

  • High name recognition
  • Lots of political connections
  • Incumbent better
    not start that truck

CONS

  • Low public profile in recent years
  • His idea of redis- tribution of wealth not universally shared
  • Those open warrants

CONAN O'BRIEN
Hereeeeee's Conan!
 

PROS

  • Brookline boy
  • Harvard grad
  • Likely to be on job market

CONS

  • Not as funny as Scott Brown
  • Bad hair
  • Twitchy

BEN AFFLECK
Ben Affleck is driven to excel

PROS

  • Politically active
  • Likely to appeal to women voters
  • Good at feigning sincerity

CONS

  • Really?
  • I mean come on
  • [That's enough candidates – Ed.]




[Why? – Ed.] 

MAYBE SHE SHOULD KICK FIVE OR SIX GUYS OUT OF IT AND SEE IF THAT HELPS 

Kourtney Kardashian talks with Kim about wanting a second child and the challenges in getting there in this clip from 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians.' Kourtney gave birth to son Mason last December.

When Kim asks if you have to wait six months after giving birth to have sex again, Kourtney replies, "Most people can have sex six weeks after, but the doctor told me to wait two months."

"Why?" Kim asks.

"I don't know, but once the doctor gave us the okay, we were like excited to try it, but it was very painful," Kourtney says. "It felt like a metal pole is literally ramming you in the crotch."

Kourtney also reveals that because she is breastfeeding, her estrogen is low and she's not "very juicy down there," . . .


 – The Huffington Post, October 4, 2010.