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    Volume CCXXXIII, Number 32        April, 2003              Page 2

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March Madness:

W. couldn't do it without you!

U.S. AT HEAD OF MIGHTY ALLIANCE

Hail to our loyal allies!

That was the message sent with unmistakable clarity from the White House to the Pentagon and all points in between. Who needs the U.N., when the U.S. can count on a mighty "coalition of the willing" to join them in glorious battle against the hated Saddam? As a public service, The Massachusetts Spy provides you, the long-suffering civilian fighting on the "home front", with a handy guide to the invaluable contributions of America's loyal allies.

Afghanistan	50 virgin sheep
Albania	100 Mercedes taxis, still with their Munich plates
Australia	Rupert Murdoch
Azerbaijan	Stole the sheep contributed by the Afghanis
Colombia	200 kilos of "marching powder."
El Salvador	Roberto d'Aubuisson
Estonia	Stones
Iceland	ice
Israel	Elliot Abrams
Italy	100 copies of "How to Surrender Your Division with Dignity" and an espresso machina
the Netherlands	10,000 copies of the Dutch Army Guide to Protecting Civilian Populations (unopened)
Turkey	Six mechanized divisions of 18,000 battle-hardened troops (available immediately after they finish massacring the Kurds)
Uzbekistan	Large wood and leather object that could be either a large slingshot or a small catapult

 

 

 

MEANWHILE, WEST OF HERE A picture caption yesterday about workers replacing a dome atop a building in Iowa City misidentified the bulding. It is the old Iowa Capitol, not the current one. The capital moved to Des Moines in 1857. – Correction, The New York Times, February 26, 2003, Sec. 9 at A2.

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