 |
After
the President put down the bullhorn, Giuliani security supremo Bernard
Kerik
gave an impressed George Bush a tour of his adjacent "observation
post," including its hi-tech heart-shaped bed
World reaction:
Friends,
foes agree
to aid U.S. in fight
against
Al-Qaeda
By Geoffrey Dawson
Diplomatic
Editor In
an astonishing
outpouring of sympathy and support, leaders of virtually every
country in the world, including long-time U.S. adversaries such as
Libya, Cuba, Iraq, and Syria have pledged to assist the United States
in tracking down and wiping out the al-Qaeda terrorist cell
responsible for the dastardly attacks on the World Trade Center and the
Pentagon, according to Secretary of State Colin Powell. Powell
hastened to add that of course equally
valuable assistance in both intelligence sharing and operational
execution was provided by NATO allies such as Britain, France, and
Germany. "The
strength of our
NATO relationship is unshakable, because our allies know that
we fight together for freedom and justice and against the dark forces
of senseless violence, unchecked tyranny, and torture. Nothing will
ever sunder these ties," Powell predicted. Powell also thanked the nation's
professional
law enforcement and intelligence agencies for the "magnificent efforts"
in combating al-Qaeda. "These dedicated experts should know
that we would never do anything to undercut their vital
mission," he said. Asked to
comment on the Secretary of State's remarks, Secretary of Defense
Donald Rumsfeld said: "Colin who?" State
Department sources, who did not wish to be quoted on the record because
they are pussies [Surely,
due to the political sensitivity of the matter? – Ed.] said
that even Castro's Cuba had provided intelligence and other support in
the wake of the 9-11 attacks. "This
kind of cooperation should not go unreciprocated," the source said.
"Perhaps we could locate some facility in Cuba that might
provide jobs and economic opportunity for ordinary Cubans, especially
in
the poorer southern regions of that country."
Inside today's Spy: Homeland Security: Attorney
General John Ashcroft boldly protects Americans by rounding up random
Islamic aliens and keeping them in solitary confinement without charges
or the right
to see a judge or a lawyer. The Economy:
Administration economists Greg Mankiw and Glenn Hubbard
explain
why cutting taxes on the rich makes America safer and stronger. Local News:
Convenience store owner arrested for terrorist behaviors
such as
chanting in Arabic five times a day and arranging meetings with similar
suspected terrorists at a so-called "mosque." Football Preview:
NFL to go on, as Bush decides Americans have a patriotic duty to watch
great big guys pound the crap out of one another | | By David Bloviator
with
Maria Boroaroma in New York
NEW YORK,
N.Y. – Equipped with a prop
hardhat and bullhorn, the Supreme Court's choice for President, George
W. Bush, stood atop
the still-smoldering tomb of thousands of victims of the attack on the
World Trade Center to persuade his fellow countrymen that he was not
the indecisive, overmatched boy-man who continued to read "My Pet Goat"
even after he knew the United States had been attacked and then flew
aimlessly around the country instead of rallying his traumatized
people. This time it
was apparently a resolute and strong leader who told the workers
toiling at Ground Zero at great personal cost to their own health that
America stood by them, leaving no doubt in their minds that the
President would assure that the Federal Government would pick up the
tab for the health care and other costs they were sure to bear in the
years to come for their dangerous efforts. He
further assured the still-dazed and bleeding nation that America would
track down and punish whoever was responsible for the September 11
attacks and promised never to get sidetracked in efforts to overthrow
dictators who, however unsavory, had nothing to do with those attacks. Moving
quickly to head off any criticism of the President's conduct both
leading up to and in the aftermath of 9/11, senior Bush Administration
figures said that al-Qaeda had struck without warning and
that
anyone who thought otherwise was subverting the Commander-in-Chief in
a time of war. "It's not like the
President got a
memo stating that al-Qaeda was determined to attack our country," said
National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, apparently peeved when she
was told that she could not wear her Manolos during her tour of the
dangerous pile of rubble that was once the Wold Trade Center. "How
were we supposed to know that the threat of al-Qaeda terrorism was even
greater than the non-existent menace of Russian ICBMs?"
snarled
Vice
President Dick Cheney on Schlox News. "It's not like we had
some
expert running around the White House who desperately tried to get a
meeting with me to discuss the threat of an
imminent
al-Qaeda attack and outline practical and immediate steps we could take
to
improve our border security," he said. The
President, yelling through his bullhorn, called upon the Nation to come
together in a spirit of unity and support whatever
crackbrained scheme
he came up with, whether it was waging war on anyone he didn't
like, borrowing money from our children to finance tax cuts
for the rich, or simply
squandering
the sympathy and support of the world with our arrogance and
ignorance. In
the most moving
segment of his
remarks, Bush contrasted the American ideals of freedom and human
dignity with what he called the savagery of terrorists. "America
was built on our ideals. We don't jail without due process
folks
just because of the color of their skin or their religion, and we
don't hold them in primitive and brutal conditions in hidden locations
away from courts and the International Red Cross." "And
unlike the terror guys, we never stoop to torture, sadistic treatment,
or handing over defenseless captives to other countries whom we
know
will brutalize them. That's not the America I was appointed to serve,"
he said. Although
the specifics of the Bush Administration's anti-terror program remain
under development, sources close to Karl Rove said that one element is
likely to be a massive, pointless reorganization of some but not all
relevant government agencies into a new Cabinet department with
all
protections for its workers stripped away. "That way, the
Democrats will have the choice of betraying their union supporters or
being branded unpatriotic," Rove explained. Asked
if
he thought that Democratic politicians were really stupid enough to
fall into such an obvious trap, Rove said: "Trust me." The
President was escorted around Ground Zero by New York Mayor Rudy
Giuliani, whose bold decision to move New York's emergency command
center right into the most likely target of terrorist attack continued
to cripple the City's emergency response. The
entourage
was joined by mobbed-up Giuliani coatholder Bernard Kerik and some
high-mileage brunette who gave her name only as "Judy."
| | |
