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Volume CCXXXIII, Number 36   August, 2003    Worcester, Massachusetts    Since 1770

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By Charles Van Doren
Broadcasting Editor

The supposedly peaceful gentle world of public radio was shocked yesterday by the tawdry details surrounding the arrest of NPR talk show host Ira Glass following a brawl involving his girlfriend Sarah Towell and a Las Vegas lady of the evening known professionally as "Cokie."

The details are sketchy, but Las Vegas detectives state that the alledged incident followed a long weekend of gambling, smoking crack and boozing intended to celebrate a recent successful NPR "fund drive."

According to police, Glass had been partying and gambling without sleep for 48 hours when the incident occurred in his high-roller suite at Las Vegas's exclusive Imperial Palace Hotel around 4 a.m. Sunday morning. Hotel guests had called policy after hearing a series of thudding sounds followed by screaming. "I mean there was a lot of screaming coming from his room all night, but somehow this sounded different," said another gambler staying in an adjacent room who gave his name only as "Whitey."

When Las Vegas police arrived, they found a dishevelled and confused Glass screaming obscenities at "Cokie," who had suffered a black eye and numerous other bruises. Confronted by police, Glass shouted, "Don't you know who I am? I'm the host of This American Life and you can't touch me."

Glass then peeled off a hundred-dollar bill from a large roll of currency and flung it at the dazed and bleeding prostitute. "Bitch, that should shut you up," he was alleged to have said.

Sources told the Spy that Glass became enraged due to Cokie's supposed lack of enthusiasm for a threesome with Glass and Sarah Towell. These sources added that Glass started beating "Cokie" when she refused to agree that his sexual equipment was the largest she had ever seen.

Police booked Glass on numerous felony charges, including assault and battery, and possession of over 50 grams of crack cocaine and more than 100 grams of crystal methamphetamine, known commonly as "crank." Glass was later released on $100,000 cash bail, telling the magistrate, "There's a lot more where that came from."

Reaction to Glass's arrest varied from bemusement to shock and outrage. His friend Sarah Towell said that the whole matter was a misunderstanding that arose when Glass refused to share his methamphetimine stash with "Cokie." "She was a cheap crank skank and that's all there was to it. Plus she wasn't that fine," Towell said.

Officials at National Public Radio in Washington offered only a terse "no comment," but privately NPR brass admit that the network's image cannot be helped by the spectacle of its marquee host being dragged off the Strip in handcuffs for allegedly beating a prostitute. "It's somewhat at variance with the image of Ira and the network," admitted one senior NPR official.

Others at NPR tell the Spy privately that Glass's recent alleged escapade comes as no surprise to them. "He's the most aggressive swordsman I've ever met, and I've nailed pretty much every babe at NPR," said Weekend Edition anchor Scott Simon. NPR correspondent Mara Liasson is known to have attacked Glass with a croquet mallet after Glass seduced and then dumped her for her colleague, Nina Totenberg.

Glass's show, It's a Wonderful American Life [Check title – Copy Ed.], has attracted a devoted following of single women who count on Glass to fill the piercing void in their empty, loveless lives. "After yet another night of empty, unsafe sex, it was always so reassuring to come home to Ira Glass," said self- proclaimed skank Amy Sohn.

Other single women in New York took a similar view. "He always seemed so pure and wholesome," said professional whack job Elizabeth Wurtzel. "I always hoped I could blow him some day."

Reaction among men was more muted. "Is he the guy that sells the oxy-soap powder on TV?" asked James Burke, 36, of Old Sludgebury, Mass.

"No, numbn**s, he's the guy who coaches the New York Knicks," said his friend, Billy Burke, 42, also of Old Sludgebury.

Glass was reportedly in seclusion in his 20-room mansion outside of Chicago, plotting legal strategy with his defense team headed by Johnny Cochran. Sources close to NPR tell the Spy that he has already taped a number of new shows, including a visit to the Topeka Lint Festival and a celebration of the kohlrabi.

The Spy made numerous unsuccessful attempts to reach Glass for comment. A Spy reporter was turned back at the gate to Glass's house by heavily armed guards recruited from the Lawndale section of Chicago by Glass's security chief, Snoop Doggy Dogg. The security guard, who gave his name only as "Killa," said: "Get yo' white ass outta here before I whack you upside the head."

Glass's friends state that his behavior in Las Vegas was out of character. Said his good friend P. Diddy: "Ira's chill unless he's disrespected. Then he'd cap you for a nickel."

Other close friends of the radio celebrity, including Sean Penn and Dennis Rodman, are said to take care not to offened the short-tempered Glass. "He's a dude with an attitude, if you catch my drift," said golfing buddy O.J. Simpson. "I can respect that."