Volume CCXXXIV, Number
42 February, 2004
Page 3
Exclusive to The Spy
WORLD RENOWNED COLUMNIST DAVID BLOVIATOR ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL IN SALEM, N.H.
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TMS: David, what are the lessons of the New Hampshire primary? DB: The spectacle and excitement of this first-in-the-nation primary never fail to stir the blood of this old newshound. Speaking of stirring, how about a Scotch and soda? TMS: Would you agree that John Kerry has to be considered the front runner after his win in New Hampshire? DB: Senator Kerry has to be the odds-on favorite for the nomination. His impressive showing in New Hampshire makes him the candidate to beat. TMS: But isn't New Hampshire an unrepresentative state? It's small, suburban and full of stupid white people. DB: As New Hampshire goes, so goes the nation. It sets the tone, the tempo, if you will, of the presidential election season. And its marvelous state liquor stores sell the big bottles of Chivas for only $34.99. How can you beat that? TMS: Speaking of beaten, where does Howard Dean go from here? DB: The road ahead for the former frontrunner looks short and bleak. He's short and his wife looks bleak. Got to have a sense of humor when you're covering the political circus. TMS: David, you've often said that there's something special about New Hampshire. What is it? DB: It's a state that's as old as the Republic, yet close to the high-tech heart of Boston. It's a state of rugged individualists, all of whom are against taxes. Most of all, it's a state where folks are never too busy to discuss their views on the great issues of the day over a Scotch or two. TMS: And what was on the mind of the New Hampshire electorate? DB: Like all Americans, they are troubled by an economy that seemingly cannot provide jobs any better than Cumberland Farms cashier. They are optimistic, yet cautious about the future. And they support our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. And they wish they had health insurance so they could get their teeth fixed. TMS: So you think health care and the economy will be important issues this year? DB: Issues? Who cares about the issues, you simpering fool? Americans are looking for a President they can trust, a President who's not afraid to use force, and most of all a President who will level with them. That's why they chose a man who said he could cut taxes without raising the deficit, and fight a war without paying for it. TMS: So you think George Bush can't be beaten? DB: Bush has assembled a well-oiled campaign machine like none seen before in American politics. He has the foreign policy experience and of course the bully pulpit of the Presidency. That's going to be tough to beat. TMS: His father had all that, too, and he went down in flames. DB: And your point? TMS: Well, don't you think that elections are usually won or lost based on the economy? DB: You said a mouthful. Speaking of which, how about another mouthful in this glass here. The economy isn't the number one issue, it's virtually the only issue that can swing elections. Of course, that's even more true of terrorism. And health care as well. TMS: I think we're prety much done here. See you in South Carolina, David. |
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Editors' Note As a result of a software malfunction in the replication unit of the Spy's ultra-modern production facility, early editions of the January Spy did not include David Bloviator's column. It is reprinted here for the convenience of you, the reader. DES MOINES, Iowa – With only days to go until the Iowa caucuses, Howard Dean, who came out of nowhere with his anti-war, anti-Bush message, is now poised to sweep the Iowa caucuses and wrap up the Democratic presidential nomination in January. Dean has amazed the pundits by plugging into the Internet, raising wads of money and building a crackerjack political operation in Iowa and New Hampshire. His successes have left the rest of the Democratic field fading into obscurity as Dean takes his place in the sun. However, many savvy Iowans in the know won't rule out a last-minute victory by House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt. Gephardt has long been a favorite of organized labor, which can turn out the manpower needed to organize and motivate the relatively small number of Iowans who participate in the caucuses. And, as everyone knows, in a caucus state, organization is everything. Perhaps the greatest puzzlement has been the inability of Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to ignite the electorate. The reasons for his near-collapse are varied, including his long, hang-dog face, his difficulty in explaining his vote to authorize the Iraq War and his reputation as a "Massachusetts liberal." It looks like the Democratic electorate wants to send a message this year, and they're ready to anoint the feisty former Vermont Governor to deliver it. [Unfortunately, for reasons of time and space, we are unable to bring you the remainder of David's brilliant column. If you would like to read the full column, please send a stamped self-addressed envelope to Mr. John P. "Jack" Meoff, Director, Production Quality Control Reconciliation and Review, The Massachusetts Spy Production Facility, 200 Toxic Ash Road, Old Sludgebury, Massachusetts. Please allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.]
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WHEN THEY FOUND OUT IT WAS REALLY MIGUEL, 89% OF VOTERS SAID THEY DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT Republican pollsters, trying to determine whether the Estrada standoff was hurting Democrats with Hispanic voters, found that many respondents thought the questions concerned the "CHiPs" actor Erik Estrada. – The Boston Glob, November 9, 2003 at A23. |