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        Volume CCXXXIV, Number 44                    April, 2004              

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Barbara Bush sure knows how to stick in the knife

By Bobby Baker
Washington Bureau

WASHINGTON, D.C. –  The White House has rolled out the heavy artillery to combat the political fallout from Barbara Bush's new tell-all memoir about her oldest son, entitled W. Is for Wiener.

Her new book, scheduled to ship tonight, rips her son, President George W. Bush, calling him "unfit to lead" and an "incredible disappointment to his father and mother."

News that the President's own mother could no longer abide her son represented another blow to the already-embattled White House. "This has to be regarded as another blow to the already-embattled White House," observed long-time political commentator and famous NBC gasbag Tim Russert.

Mrs. Bush, whose previous literary efforts have extolled her dog, said on CNN's Larry King Live, in an hour-long interview to be broadcast tonight: "Lead America in a time of war? George W. couldn't lead a horse to water."

Among the shocking revelations in the book, Mrs. Bush states that

• "George W. put so much blow up his nose in the '70s that we thought it would fall right off."



• "Of course Poppy and I had to shoehorn him into the Texas Air National Guard. Can you imagine what would have happened if George W. had been sent to Vietnam with a loaded gun? No one in his unit would live out the day."



• "I'm not saying that my son had a drinking problem, but our friends all bought stock in Lone Star Brewing when he returned to Houston."

According to his mother, young George W. misspent his youth in a haze of Lone Star beer and Bolivian marching powder

The White House, sensing the political explosiveness of these charges, has lost no time in responding to the President's mother. White House spokesman Scott McLellan told reporters today that "the book represents the addled ravings of a demented old bag."

At the same time, Vice President Dick Cheney was dug out of his foxhole and deployed on all available news outlets. He told Schlox News Live that "With all due respect to the former First Lady, Mrs. Bush doesn't know what she is talking about. She's been out of the loop for years." The Vice President also questioned the patriotism of a woman who would put "profits from a quickie tell-all book ahead of the welfare of the President of the United States in a time of war."

Other administration officials suggested darker motives behind Mrs. Bush's new book. "Barbara Bush is a well known advocate of higher taxes and drive-through abortions," said a White House source located inside Karl Rove's suit jacket. "It's just a cheap partisan attack by one of the President's ideological adversaries."

Other conservative commentators chimed in. Robert Nofax suggested that Mrs. Bush's brain had been "brainwashed" by "al-Qaeda terrorists and fellow-travelling Democrats." Ann Colt .45 said, "She's stupid, old and ugly. If she was a horse, I'd shoot her." The editorial page of the Wall Street Journal called Mrs. Bush "a walking advertisement for euthanasia."

Democrats reacted cautiously to the news of Mrs. Bush's accusations, wanting to avoid charges that they were capitalizing on the book for political gain. Said one Democratic senator on deep background: "Well, if your own mother thinks you're a jackass . . . " and left the thought dangling.

Early polling suggests that the White House assault is successfully blunting the political impact of the charges. While Mrs. Bush was viewed favorably by 99% of the U.S. in a poll taken in the first week in March, her favorability rating has now plummeted to 44%. In today's tracking poll, 58% of those surveyed agreed with the assertion: "Mrs. Bush is a demented old bag who should be shot," and 62% agreed that the timing of the book's publication was suspicious, coming as it does a mere eight months before Election Day. Finally, 54% stated that "Mrs. Bush has been paid by Saddam Hussein to tear down the President."

President Bush himself has chosen to remain "above the fray," but privately he is said to be furious. He was quoted by one aide as saying, "Put her in a home."