---

Volume CCXXXIV, Number 46    June, 2004      

---

June 13

I'll never forget where I was the day I learned that I was going to be able to go Ronald Reagan's funeral. I was in my office as usual, hoping the phone would ring (unless it was that nasty Eric Fehrnstrom sending me out to dedicate a new rest area in Winchendon, Mass.) and deciding whether to have lunch at 9 Park or 57 Beacon. Decisions! Decisions!

So Eric said Reagan finally bought the farm, and Mitt was too busy raising money for Bush to go so did I want to represent Massachusetts and could I keep my mouth shut?  I said yes I will yes. (did you catch the reference to James Joyce?  It's a good thing that that Chinese girl in G entry let me borrow her paper because I was going to be able to read that damn book like never!)

Next thing I knew, two handsome Secret Service agents showed up to fingerprint and interview me and asked if I belonged to any subversive organizations and I said I didn't think that the Myopia Hunt Club qualified.  Funny joke, but they didn't laugh.

Then Eric said that Mitt wanted to send Ernie Boch's jet after dropping him off on the Vineyard for a fund-raiser but the crew wanted to see Edgartown so I had to fly Air-tran to Washington.  It was very good value.  There was supposed to be a limo waiting for me at the airport but when I called they said a Mr. Kelley had already taken it and suggested that I take the bus into Washington.

I got to the VIP tent and this big fat guy with a little beard who was also a little lit up said "Gale Norton.  Strip mine this."  And I said I wasn't Gale Norton and he said that was OK with him.  People in Washington are so friendly!

Once I got my VIP pass all squared away I got to go to party after party! Of course it was all very sad what with Reagan dead and all but they are going to put his face on a ten-dollar bill so I don't see that he has anything to complain about.  

And the best part was I actually got to meet George W. Bush!  He's even more handsome in person!  And he has the best hair (unlike Sean, who's long in the green but light on top)!  And I said Mr. President I really admire the great job you are doing for our country and for Iraq and why aren't they more grateful.

 And he said:  "Thank you so much for your contributions to making America safer and stronger!"  What a great guy!

June 16

All good things must come to an end, including Reagan's funeral.  This week Mitt made me read a speech saying John Kerry should resign because he's missed a lot of votes.  I got Mitt to promise that if Kerry did resign as a result of my speech, he would appoint me Senator! Washington, here we come!