Unnatural Disaster . . .

DC FEARS A BIG MELTDOWN SOON

By David Bloviator
Political Editor

Political seismologists have declared that, based on recent observations, George Bush may melt down at any time.

Their prediction was based on data collected during W.'s first debate with John Kerry in Miami last week.  According to the experts, all the signs of imminent meltdown were present.

"We saw all the warning signs: the clouds of dense toxic gas, the trembling, the sputtering emission of red-hot lava, the buildup of intolerable pressure being released thorugh smirks and scowls," declared Dr. James T. Burke, Director of the Institute of Political Seismology at the Old Sludgebury Institute of Technology and Auto Repair.

Other experts note that Bush has melted down before, including a still-mysterious 1972 incident that flung him hundreds of miles from Houston, Texas to Alabama. More recently, Bush has exploded when confronted about his insider trading in Harken and when asked by Tim Russert whether he would testify before the 9/11 Commission.  "He's subject to periodic meltdown," Burke noted, recalling Bush's September 11 collapse, when he continued to read to Florida schoolchildren for seven minutes after being told America had been attacked.

Burke said that some of Bush's meltdowns have caused signficant loss of life: "His explosion in early 2003, which caused him to invade Iraq before the UN inspectors had finished their work, led to 1,100 American and over 10,000 Iraqi deaths, thousands more wounded and untold billions of property damage.

Gawkers hoping to witness a Presidential meltdown are expected to flock to St. Louis, site of next week's Presidential debate.  But experts cautioned that predicting Bush's eruptions is chancy at best.  "He might erupt with red-hot lava in St. Louis.  But then again, he may just belch nauseating smoke," commented bubble-headed quote slut Kathleen Hall Jamieson.

Even more worrisome, experts warn that "harmonic distortions" caused by the pressures building within George Bush may affect other politicians.  They  note that Vice President Dick Cheney has been spewing forth molten torrents and toxic gas for months.  "We might get a reprise of his 9/11 explosion, when he ordered Air Force fighters to shoot down unarmed passenger planes without Presidential authorization," warned Burke.