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Volume CCXXXIV, Number 49    September, 2004      

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Better call out the Alabama
Air National Guard!

BUSH RELEASES A
TERROR THREAT

By Douglas MacArthur
War Correspondent with
Scott V. Sandiford
Justice Correspondent

America, already threatened by al-Qaeda, France, CBS News and marrying gays, must now contend with a dangerous terrorist now turned loose . . . by George Bush and John Ashcroft.

Don't believe us?  Just ask them!  After eight Supreme Court justices in Hamdi v. Rumsfeld ruled that George Bush did not have unlimited plenary power to imprison American citizens indefinitely by classifying them as "enemy combatants," Ashcroft mouthpiece Mark Corallo said: "The military detains enemy combatants to prevent them from continuing to wage terror and war, as well as to gather intelligence to thwart further terrorist assaults. Without the ability to detain these dangerous individuals, the American people and our soldiers in combat would face even greater danger from our terrorist enemies."

Yet, only three months after asserting that the detention of Hamdi was needed to protect the American people and troops, Bush inexplicably flip-flopped, releasing the foe and bundling him on a plane to Saudi Arabia.

Hamdi, who was so dangerous that he had to be held incommunicado in solitary confinement at a military brig in Charleston, South Carolina for more than two years, will be free to resume his nefarious terrorist schemes immediately upon landing in Riyadh.  At least that's the prediction of Deputy Solicitor General Paul Clement:  "No principle of law or logic requires the United States to release an individual from detention so that he can rejoin the battle against the United States."

Reaction to the imminent release of Hamdi was mixed.  "Holy sh*t!" exclaimed Jimmy Burke of Old Sludgebury.   "What dumb-ass let him go?"  Told that Hamdi was released by George Bush, Burke said:  "Oh, that's all right then.  I trust the President because he has been steadfast in the war on terrorism."

Others took the latest threat in stride.  "As long as he doesn't attack Foxwoods during Double Wampum Weekend, he can do what he wants," responded Mrs. Mary Burke.

Bags O'Blather, chairman of Bush-Cheney '04 of Old Sludgebury, put down her fry basket and said: "With terrorists like Hammy on the loose, anyone who doesn't support the President is helping al-Qaeda."

Osama bin Laden, in a recorded statement, expressed pleasure at welcoming Hamdi into the terrorist fold:  "If he wasn't a terrorist before being captured in Afghanistan, after two years locked up in solitary, he is now."