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Volume CCXXXIV, Number 53    November 8, 2004 

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GOD TO U.S.A.:
ARE YOU OUT
OF YOUR MIND?

By Sisyphus
Political Editor (formerly Baseball Editor) with
David Bloviator, Political Columnist

In an exclusive interview with the Spy's Political Unit, the Eternal One expressed shock and outrage over the outcome of the 2004 elections.

"Are these people out of their freakin' minds?" asked Adonai, who descended from his Throne of Glory to meet with Spy editors at the Harvard Club in the Back Bay. Over a club soda with a twist, the Lord of Hosts ridiculed any notion that He had ordered his followers to vote for George Bush.

"Who gives a tinker's damn, uh, darn, whether two men or two women want to marry?  Who said that was a moral issue?"  the Divine One thundered, sounding almost as angered by these reports as he was by Sodom and Gomorrah.

However, God declined David Bloviator's offer of another round of double Chivases.  "I am supposed to be temperate in all things," the Source of All modestly noted.

Informed that the Christian right cited the Book of Leviticus in support of their denunciation of gay marriage, the One to whom all praise is due replied: "And I suppose that they all support polygamy because Abraham had multiple wives.  Get real!"

"And do Christian fundamentalists eat lobster?  Do they exile burn victims? Do they leave food for the hungry? That's in Leviticus, too," thundered the Shield of Abraham. At this point, the efficient Harvard Club staff hovered nearby, assuming that our guest was thirsty. He wasn't but we were!

Notwithstanding His fulminations, the Rock and Reedemer was coy when asked whom He had supported for President. "I move in mysterious ways," replied the Almighty with a twinkle in His eye. "I can tell you this, though: it's not enough to run around telling people that you talk to Me four times a day. You've got to walk the walk, not just talk the talk."

"And that means you've got to care for the widow and the orphan in your midst," He explained. "I don't know why the Christian right seems to have a lot of trouble with that part of the story, and I'm supposed to know all! Talk about ironic!"

Finally, as the Source of Peace rose to return to the Heavenly Hosts, we asked Him what we could expect in the next four years. He replied: "God only knows."