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James McGreevey,
Dina Matos
Former Gov. McGreevey is already making new friends
The divorce of James McGreevey, former Governor of New Jersey and proud gay American, and his wife and unwitting beard, Dina Matos of Newark, New Jersey, was celebrated last night at the Ramrod on West Street in Greenwich Village.
The former governor was attended by fourteen of his "best men" clad in matching leather thongs. Following a brief ceremony, the divorce party adjourned to the unlit recesses of Pier 29.
According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, McGreevey is pursuing the "rebranding" of his life. The paper also said that his PR consultant is "trying to help McGreevey find a place outside the
governor's office that fits." [Stop right there – Ed.]
The former Mrs. McGreevey celebrated the divorce with a full body waxing. Sources close to the former First Lady of the Garden State says she now understands why her husband never wanted her to shave her legs.
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Brad Pitt,
Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer in happier times
Brad and Jen were best friends and they were very, very happy. They were very pretty and everyone liked them and wanted to play with them. They had pretty hair.
They could not play together every day because they were very busy and had things to do. One day Brad met Angelina and she said "Do you want to be my best friend?" And Brad said: "OK."
Then Jen found out that Brad said that he wanted to be best friends with Angelina and she was very sad. Brad said that you could have more than one best friend in the world but Jen said no you couldn't you could only have one and if Brad was going to be best friends with Angelina then Jen wasn't going to be her friend anymore.
This made Brad very sad but then Brad went to Aspen and he felt much better.
The End.
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Vanessa Williams,
Rick Fox
Who wouldn't want to be married to that?
The divorce of over the hill basketball player Rick Fox from not quite so far over the hill Broadway and porn star Vanessa Williams was celebrated by the former husband at the Hooters on Causeway Street in Boston.
The ceremony followed the drubbing of Fox's team, the mediocre Boston Celtics, by a team from some hellhole either in Canada or Carolina.
Ms. Williams, through a flak, expressed sadness at the end of her marriage but said that she wished Mr. Fox the best in his future endeavors. "I hope the press will respect my need for privacy at this time," said the former disgraced Miss America.
Mr. Fox, reached for comment after six or seven Courvoisiers, said: "The bitch was gettin' old and skanky. She ain't nuthin' but a cheap ho. I'm not talkin' about you, darlin'. You my number one bitch."
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Sir Ben Kingsley
Alexandra Schlampe
Detail of photograph that broke Ben Kingsley's heart
The pages of Germany's ultra- prestigious Bild Zeitung rag was the setting for the divorce of ex-celebrity Sir Ben Kingsley from his much younger and blonder Geldjäger Alexandra Schlampe.
Schlampe was photographed playing tongue-hockey with another man closer to her age and level of sleaze in a Berlin nightclub.
When Kingsley asked about the photo, Schlampe told him to pack his Viagra and hit the road. Sources close to the wizened ex-star say that he is stunned by the idea that his much younger and more glamorous wife, having milked him for money and vicarious celebrity, would actually take up with someone her own age.
Press reports quote Kingsley as stating: "I love
her and I don't know what the future holds. What can I say? I'm very
hurt." However, his old friend Woody Allen has offered to fix him up with some of Allen's Barnard castoffs. [How about Judy Regan? See Spy No. 64 – Ed.]
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Volume CCXXXV, Number 65 February 9, 2005
